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83.

I visited Botswana, spent a few days with Teej and Mike. I felt a craving¹ for them, a physical needto go on a wander with Mike, to sit once more with my head in Teej’s lap, talking and feeling safe.

Feeling home.

The very end of 2015.

I took them into my confidence, told them about my battles with anxiety. We were by thecampfire, where such things were always best discussed. I told them I’d just recently found a fewthings that were sort of working.

So…there was hope.

For instance, therapy. I’d followed through on Willy’s suggestion, and while I hadn’t found atherapist I liked, simply speaking to a few had opened my mind to possibilities.

Also, one therapist said off-handedly that I was clearly suffering from post-traumatic stress,and that rang a bell. It got me moving, I thought, in the right direction.

Another thing that seemed to work was meditation². It quietened my racing³ mind, brought adegree of calm. I wasn’t one to pray, Nature was still my God, but in my worst moments I’d shutmy eyes and be still. Sometimes I’d also ask for help, though I was never sure whom I was asking.

Now and then I felt the presence of an answer.

Psychedelics did me some good as well. I’d experimented with them over the years, for fun,but now I’d begun to use them therapeutically⁴, medicinally. They didn’t simply allow me toescape reality for a while, they let me redefine reality. Under the influence of these substances Iwas able to let go of rigid⁵ preconcepts, to see that there was another world beyond my heavilyfiltered senses, a world that was equally real and doubly beautiful—a world with no red mist, noreason for red mist. There was only truth.

After the psychedelics wore off my memory of that world would remain: This is not all thereis. All the great seers and philosophers say our daily life is an illusion. I always felt the truth inthat. But how reassuring⁶ it was, after nibbling⁷ a mushroom, or ingesting ayahuasca, to experienceit for myself.

The one remedy that proved most effective, however, was work. Helping⁸ others, doing somegood in the world, looking outward rather than in. That was the path. Africa and Invictus, thesehad long been the causes closest to my heart. But now I wanted to dive in deeper. Over the lastyear or so I’d spoken to helicopter pilots, veterinary surgeons, rangers⁹, and they all told me that awar was on, a war to save the planet. War, you say?

Sign me up.

One small problem: Willy. Africa was his thing, he said. And he had the right to say this, orfelt he did, because he was the Heir. It was ever in his power to veto my thing, and he had everyintention of exercising, even flexing¹⁰, that veto power.

We’d had some real rows about it, I told Teej and Mike. One day, we almost came to blows infront of our childhood mates, the sons of Emilie and Hugh. One of the sons asked: Why can’t youboth work on Africa?

Willy had a fit, flew at this son for daring to make such a suggestion. Because rhinos¹²,elephants, that’s mine!

It was all so obvious. He cared less about finding his purpose or passion than about winninghis lifelong competition with me.

Over several more heated discussions, it emerged that Willy, when I’d gone to the North Pole,had sadly been resentful. He’d felt slighted that he hadn’t been the one invited. At the same timehe also said that he’d stepped aside, gallantly¹³, that he’d permitted me to go, indeed that he’dpermitted all my work with wounded soldiers. I let you have veterans, why can’t you let me haveAfrican elephants and rhinos?

I complained to Teej and Mike that I’d finally seen my path, that I’d finally hit upon the thingthat could fill the hole in my heart left by soldiering, in fact a thing even more sustainable—andWilly was standing¹⁴ in my way.

They were aghast. Keep fighting, they said. There’s room for both of you in Africa. There’sneed for you both.

So, with their encouragement, I embarked¹⁵ on a four-month fact-finding trip, to educate myselfabout the truth of the ivory war. Botswana. Namibia. Tanzania. South Africa. I went to KrugerNational Park, a vast stretch of dry, barren land the size of Israel. In the war on poachers, Krugerwas the absolute front line. Its rhino¹¹ populations, both black and white, were plummeting¹⁶, due toarmies of poachers being incentivized by Chinese and Vietnamese crime syndicates. One rhinohorn fetched enormous sums, so for every poacher arrested, five more were ready to take theirplace.

Black rhinos were rarer, thus more valuable. They were also more dangerous. As browsers,they lived in thick bush, and wading¹⁷ in after them could be fatal. They didn’t know you were thereto help. I’d been charged a few times, and I was lucky to get away without being gored¹⁸. (Tip:

Always know the location of the nearest tree branch, because you might need to jump onto it.) Ihad friends who’d not been so lucky.

White rhinos were more docile¹⁹, and more plentiful²⁰, but perhaps wouldn’t be for long, becauseof that docility²¹. As grazers, they also lived in open grassland²². Easier to see, easier to shoot.

I went along on countless²³ anti-poaching patrols. Over several days in Kruger, we always gotthere too late. I must have seen forty bullet-riddled rhino carcasses.

Poachers in other parts of South Africa, I learned, didn’t always shoot the rhinos. Bullets wereexpensive, and gunshots gave away their position. So they’d dart²⁴ a rhino with a tranquilizer, thentake the horn while the rhino was asleep. The rhino would wake up with no face, then stumble intothe bush to die.

I assisted on one long surgery, on a rhino named Hope, repairing her face, patching theexposed membranes²⁵ inside the hole that once cradled her horn. It left me and the whole surgicalteam traumatized. We all wondered if this was the right thing for the poor girl. She was in so muchpain.

But we just couldn’t let her go.

 

1 craving   

n.渴望,热望

参考例句：

• a craving for chocolate 非常想吃巧克力
• She skipped normal meals to satisfy her craving for chocolate and crisps. 她不吃正餐，以便满足自己吃巧克力和炸薯片的渴望。

2 meditation   

n.熟虑，（尤指宗教的）默想，沉思，（pl.）冥想录

参考例句：

• This peaceful garden lends itself to meditation.这个恬静的花园适于冥想。
• I'm sorry to interrupt your meditation.很抱歉，我打断了你的沉思。

3 racing   

n.竞赛，赛马；adj.竞赛用的，赛马用的

参考例句：

• I was watching the racing on television last night.昨晚我在电视上看赛马。
• The two racing drivers fenced for a chance to gain the lead.两个赛车手伺机竞相领先。

4 therapeutically   

[医]adv.在治疗上

参考例句：

• A lead compound will have some property considered therapeutically useful. 一种先导化合物应具有治疗作用的特性。 来自互联网
• Drugs causing fibrinolysis have been utilized therapeutically. 纤维蛋白溶解药物已被用于临床治疗。 来自互联网

5 rigid   

adj.严格的，死板的；刚硬的，僵硬的

参考例句：

• She became as rigid as adamant.她变得如顽石般的固执。
• The examination was so rigid that nearly all aspirants were ruled out.考试很严，几乎所有的考生都被淘汰了。

6 reassuring   

a.使人消除恐惧和疑虑的，使人放心的

参考例句：

• He gave her a reassuring pat on the shoulder. 他轻拍了一下她的肩膀让她放心。
• With a reassuring pat on her arm, he left. 他鼓励地拍了拍她的手臂就离开了。

7 nibbling   

v.啃，一点一点地咬（吃）( nibble的现在分词 )；啃出（洞），一点一点咬出（洞）；慢慢减少；小口咬

参考例句：

• We sat drinking wine and nibbling olives. 我们坐在那儿，喝着葡萄酒嚼着橄榄。
• He was nibbling on the apple. 他在啃苹果。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

8 helping   

n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的，辅助的

参考例句：

• The poor children regularly pony up for a second helping of my hamburger. 那些可怜的孩子们总是要求我把我的汉堡包再给他们一份。
• By doing this, they may at times be helping to restore competition. 这样一来, 他在某些时候,有助于竞争的加强。

9 rangers   

护林者( ranger的名词复数 )； 突击队员

参考例句：

• Do you know where the Rangers Stadium is? 你知道Rangers体育场在哪吗？ 来自超越目标英语 第3册
• Now I'm a Rangers' fan, so I like to be near the stadium. 现在我是Rangers的爱好者，所以我想离体育场近一点。 来自超越目标英语 第3册

10 flexing   

n.挠曲，可挠性v.屈曲( flex的现在分词 )；弯曲；（为准备大干而）显示实力；摩拳擦掌

参考例句：

• Flexing particular muscles allows snakes to move in several ways. 可弯曲的特殊的肌肉使蛇可以用几种方式移动。 来自电影对白
• China has become an economic superpower and is flexing its muscles. 中国已经成为了一个经济巨人而且在展示他的肌肉。 来自互联网

11 rhino   

n.犀牛，钱, 现金

参考例句：

• The rhino charged headlong towards us.犀牛急速地向我们冲来。
• They have driven the rhino to the edge of extinction.他们已经令犀牛濒临灭绝。

12 rhinos   

n.犀牛（rhino的复数形式）

参考例句：

• There are many reports of people taming and even training Indian rhinos. 有许多关于人们驯养甚至训练印度犀牛的记载。 来自辞典例句
• The rhinos had fed during the night in the rice fields of these villagers. 犀牛夜里在这些村民的庄稼地里也已吃饱了。 来自辞典例句

13 gallantly   

adv. 漂亮地，勇敢地，献殷勤地

参考例句：

• He gallantly offered to carry her cases to the car. 他殷勤地要帮她把箱子拎到车子里去。
• The new fighters behave gallantly under fire. 新战士在炮火下表现得很勇敢。

14 standing   

n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的

参考例句：

• After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
• They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。

15 embarked   

乘船( embark的过去式和过去分词 )； 装载； 从事

参考例句：

• We stood on the pier and watched as they embarked. 我们站在突码头上目送他们登船。
• She embarked on a discourse about the town's origins. 她开始讲本市的起源。

16 plummeting   

v.垂直落下，骤然跌落( plummet的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• Prices are rising, falling, going up, going down, shooting up, plummeting, etc. 物价在上涨、下跌、上升、下落、猛然上涨、骤然下跌等。 来自辞典例句
• The enemy plane went plummeting into the sea. 敌机直直掉进海里。 来自辞典例句

17 wading   

（从水、泥等）蹚，走过，跋( wade的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• The man tucked up his trousers for wading. 那人卷起裤子，准备涉水。
• The children were wading in the sea. 孩子们在海水中走着。

18 gored   

v.（动物）用角撞伤，用牙刺破( gore的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• He was gored by a bull. 他被公牛顶伤。
• The bull gored the farmer to death. 公牛用角把农夫抵死了。 来自《简明英汉词典》

19 docile   

adj.驯服的，易控制的，容易教的

参考例句：

• Circus monkeys are trained to be very docile and obedient.马戏团的猴子训练得服服贴贴的。
• He is a docile and well-behaved child.他是个温顺且彬彬有礼的孩子。

20 plentiful   

adj.富裕的，丰富的

参考例句：

• Their family has a plentiful harvest this year.他们家今年又丰收了。
• Rainfall is plentiful in the area.这个地区雨量充足。

21 docility   

n.容易教，易驾驶，驯服

参考例句：

• He was trying to plant the seed of revolt, arouse that placid peasant docility. 他想撒下反叛的种子，唤醒这个安分驯良的农民的觉悟。 来自辞典例句
• With unusual docility, Nancy stood up and followed him as he left the newsroom. 南希以难得的顺从站起身来，尾随着他离开了新闻编辑室。 来自辞典例句

22 grassland   

n.牧场，草地，草原

参考例句：

• There is a reach of grassland in the distance.远处是连绵一片的草原。
• The snowstorm swept the vast expanse of grassland.暴风雪袭击了辽阔的草原。

23 countless   

adj.无数的，多得不计其数的

参考例句：

• In the war countless innocent people lost their lives.在这场战争中无数无辜的人丧失了性命。
• I've told you countless times.我已经告诉你无数遍了。

24 dart   

v.猛冲，投掷；n.飞镖，猛冲

参考例句：

• The child made a sudden dart across the road.那小孩突然冲过马路。
• Markov died after being struck by a poison dart.马尔科夫身中毒镖而亡。

25 membranes   

n.（动物或植物体内的）薄膜( membrane的名词复数 )；隔膜；（可起防水、防风等作用的）膜状物

参考例句：

• The waste material is placed in cells with permeable membranes. 废液置于有渗透膜的槽中。 来自辞典例句
• The sarcoplasmic reticulum is a system of intracellular membranes. 肌浆网属于细胞内膜系统。 来自辞典例句