向前一步:第107期 真实地表达自己的想法与情绪(3)

 Fear of seeming negative or nagging¹. 害怕看上去过于消极或啰唆，

Fear that constructive² criticism will come across as just plain old criticism. 害怕自己的批评意见听起来像是陈词滥调，

Fear that by speaking up, we will call attention to ourselves, which might open us up to attack 害怕自己的发言会招来攻击

(a fear brought to us by that same voice in the back of our heads that urges us not to sit at the table). （就如同我们告诫自己别往桌前坐一样）。

Communication works best when we combine appropriateness with authenticity³, 交流的最佳效果来自谈吐得体且态度真诚，

finding that sweet spot where opinions are not brutally⁴ honest but delicately honest. 其关键点在于你不需要直愣愣地冒出大实话，而是适当修饰后的诚实表达。

Speaking truthfully without hurting feelings comes naturally to some and is an acquired skill for others. 在不伤及别人的前提下又能实话实说，这对一些人来说轻松自如，而对另一些人来说则是一门需要学习的技巧。

I definitely needed help in this area. Fortunately, I found it. 我在这方面也尚待提高，还好我得到了很多帮助。

When Dave was at Yahoo, he attended a management training program taught by Fred Kofman, 戴夫还在雅虎工作时，参加过弗雷德·科夫曼主持的管理培训项目。

a former MIT professor and author of Conscious Business. 科夫曼曾是麻省理工学院的教授，并著有《清醒的企业》一书。

Dave hates training of any kind, and the human resources team at Yahoo had to force him to attend the two-day session. 戴夫不喜欢任何形式的培训，因此雅虎的人力资源团队不得不强迫他参加此次为期两天的研习会。

When he came home after the first day, he surprised me by describing the training as "not too bad." 第一天结束后，他对这次培训做出“还行”的评论，让我颇感意外。

By the end of the second day, he started quoting Fred and making observations about our communication. 第二天回家后，他就开始引用科夫曼的话，对我们之间的交流大加点评。

I was in shock; this guy must be good. 我真是大吃一惊：这位科夫曼教授一定非常出色。

So I called Fred, introduced myself, and said, "I don't know what you do, but I want you to do it for my team at Google." 于是我和他通了个电话介绍自己，并且告诉他：“我不知道你具体在做什么，不过我希望你也能为谷歌的团队做同样的培训。”

1 nagging   

adj.唠叨的，挑剔的；使人不得安宁的v.不断地挑剔或批评（某人）( nag的现在分词 )；不断地烦扰或伤害（某人）；无休止地抱怨；不断指责

参考例句：

• Stop nagging—I'll do it as soon as I can. 别唠叨了—我会尽快做的。
• I've got a nagging pain in my lower back. 我后背下方老是疼。 来自《简明英汉词典》

2 constructive   

adj.建设的，建设性的

参考例句：

• We welcome constructive criticism.我们乐意接受有建设性的批评。
• He is beginning to deal with his anger in a constructive way.他开始用建设性的方法处理自己的怒气。

3 authenticity   

n.真实性

参考例句：

• There has been some debate over the authenticity of his will. 对于他的遗嘱的真实性一直有争论。
• The museum is seeking an expert opinion on the authenticity of the painting. 博物馆在请专家鉴定那幅画的真伪。

4 brutally   

adv.残忍地，野蛮地，冷酷无情地

参考例句：

• The uprising was brutally put down.起义被残酷地镇压下去了。
• A pro-democracy uprising was brutally suppressed.一场争取民主的起义被残酷镇压了。