向前一步:第108期 真实地表达自己的想法与情绪(4)

 Fred showed up at Google, and his teachings changed my career and my life. 科夫曼教授终于在谷歌露面了，他的教学彻底改变了我的事业和生活，

He is one of the most extraordinary thinkers on leadership and management I have ever encountered. 他是我遇到过的最精于领导力和管理问题的人才之一。

Many of the concepts discussed in this chapter originated with him and reflect his belief that great leadership is "conscious" leadership. 本章中讨论的许多概念都源于他的理念，并且反映了他的信条：杰出的领导力就是“清醒”的领导力。

I learned from Fred that effective communication starts with the understanding that there is my point of view (my truth) and someone else's point of view (his truth). 我从科夫曼教授那里学到，有效沟通的起点在于明白“我有我见（我的道理），他有他见（他的道理）”。

Rarely is there one absolute truth, so people who believe that they speak the truth are very silencing of others. 绝对的真理几乎是不存在的，所以那些坚信自己的话就是真理的人实际上就是不让别人讲话。

When we recognize that we can see things only from our own perspective, we can share our views in a nonthreatening way. 当我们承认自己对事物的看法具有局限性，就能以一种温和的方式分享他人的意见。

Statements of opinion are always more constructive¹ in the first person "I" form. 第一人称“我”通常会让意见的表达更积极。

Compare these two statements: "You never take my suggestions seriously" and "I feel frustrated² that you have not responded to my last four e-mails, 比较以下两句话：（1）“你从不认真考虑我的建议。”（2）“写给你的四封邮件你都没回复，我很失望。

which leads me to believe that my suggestions are not that important to you. Is that so?" 这让我觉得我的建议对你来说不太重要，真是这样吗？”

The former can elicit³ a quick and defensive⁴ "That's not true!" 前一句会立刻让对方辩解性地回应：“不是这样的！”

The latter is much harder to deny. 否定后一句就要困难得多。

One triggers a disagreement; the other sparks a discussion. 由此看来，前一句引发的是异议，而后一句引发的是讨论。

I wish I could always maintain this perspective in all my communications. I don't—but I continue to try. 我希望自己在所有的交流中都能坚持使用后一种说话方式。虽然我做得不是很好，但我会不断努力。

1 constructive   

adj.建设的，建设性的

参考例句：

• We welcome constructive criticism.我们乐意接受有建设性的批评。
• He is beginning to deal with his anger in a constructive way.他开始用建设性的方法处理自己的怒气。

2 frustrated   

adj.挫败的，失意的，泄气的v.使不成功( frustrate的过去式和过去分词 )；挫败；使受挫折；令人沮丧

参考例句：

• It's very easy to get frustrated in this job. 这个工作很容易令人懊恼。
• The bad weather frustrated all our hopes of going out. 恶劣的天气破坏了我们出行的愿望。 来自《简明英汉词典》

3 elicit   

v.引出,抽出,引起

参考例句：

• It was designed to elicit the best thinking within the government. 机构的设置是为了在政府内部集思广益。
• Don't try to elicit business secrets from me. I won't tell you anything. 你休想从我这里套问出我们的商业机密, 我什么都不会告诉你的。

4 defensive   

adj.防御的；防卫的；防守的

参考例句：

• Their questions about the money put her on the defensive.他们问到钱的问题，使她警觉起来。
• The Government hastily organized defensive measures against the raids.政府急忙布置了防卫措施抵御空袭。