Oprah: Iyanla Vanzant's Life Lessons

 Oprah: Iyanla Vanzant's Life Lessons

Relationship expert Iyanla Vanzant shared valuable words of wisdom during her 20 Oprah Show appearances between 1998 and 1999. Look back at 10 lessons viewers took to heart.

For almost two years, Iyanla helped Oprah Show viewers learn the language that could change their lives forever. Words, she said, are more powerful than we know. "Don't ever say, 'I'm broke,'" Iyanla said. "Say, 'I am temporarily out of cash.'"

Many people confuse love for something else—lust or obsession¹ or jealousy², Iyanla said. Oftentimes, women meet men who they want to fix, but love doesn't need to be fixed³. "When you see crazy coming, cross the street," she said during one of her many Oprah Show appearances

With an audience filled with 200 men, Oprah and Iyanla set out to prove that there are some good men out there.

Before getting into the conversation, Oprah and Iyanla looked back at some of Iyanla's best advice, including a time when she said men are more observant than some women think. "Men have antennae⁴," she said. "He put his antennae up and he said, 'Boy, she's gonna suck the life right out of me.'"

Iyanla often shared new words and phrases with The Oprah Show audience, which Oprah called "a glossary⁵ for the soul." On October 8, 1998, Iyanla shared a passage from Neale Donald Walsch's book Conversations with God: "Whenever you declare to be something, everything unlike it will show up," Iyanla said. "So the minute you declare yourself to be healed or at peace—whatever it is—everything unlike it is gonna show up to test. So remember: "If you don't have a test, you won't have a testimony⁶."

Also, instead of saying "by myself," Iyanla suggested viewers say "with myself."

On August 10, 1999, Iyanla shared how the power of language can help women change their lives. "Words create experiences. Words are things," Iyanla said. "So when you say 'I can't,' you won't. When you say 'I don't,' you don't."

Iyanla advised single and divorced women to use positive phrases, like "I'm open and willing to experience a new relationship," and "I'm desiring a new mate to show up just as they are today."

Love is a risk that only brave people take, Iyanla said, and it's important to be open to love. "Know that if you're not brave enough to go into love, taking a risk, then what you are doing is bargain shopping," she said.

So what is love? "Love is, 'Here I am. Take all of me. Use the pieces you can. Let me use the pieces of you that I can so that we can move forward, growing through this experience," Iyanla said.

In March 1999, Iyanla spoke⁷ about her book Yesterday, I Cried, and answered audience members' questions. One woman posed this question to Iyanla: "If all you're getting are liars⁹ and cheaters and all this kind of stuff, what are you supposed to expect? What do you expect?"

Iyanla's responded, "What you draw to you is what you are." What Iyanla meant was that all the makeup¹⁰, eyeliner and clothes the audience member wore was just a facade¹¹. Iyanla asked the woman to call herself a liar⁸ and see how it felt. "Not particularly [good]," the woman responded.

"Why would you project that onto someone else?" Iyanla asked. "Because that's your judgment¹². Your perception of reality and his perception of reality may be completely different."

During a show in October 1998, Oprah revealed that she wrote a suicide note when she was in her 20s because a man she loved didn't call her for two weeks. "I wept for the woman I used to be," Oprah said. "It's just amazing how, at the time you're in it, you think your life can't go on."

Iyanla said people have to remember that "this, too, shall pass." It's okay to feel bad, but know that you can recover. "I don't have to be SOS: stuck on stupid," Iyanla said.

When Iyanla talked with Ed, a guest who said cheating on women was in his genes¹³, he explained that he was fixated on finding the perfect mate. "So you involve yourself in a relationship with that person. Shortly after involving yourself in that relationship, you discover that person is not perfect," Ed said. "So, therefore, you begin to search anew for a perfect mate."

Iyanla said that while Ed loved beautiful women, he didn't honor himself.

"When you honor yourself, every single thing that you do comes from that place," Iyanla said. "That means when you honor yourself, you protect yourself, you trust yourself, you take care of yourself. And you do things in a way that are going to bring glory to who you are."

During the same show, Iyanla explained to Ed, the self-proclaimed cheater, that when he's sleeping with more than one woman and not being honest with them, he's actually harming himself.

"Your ego¹⁴ and your intellect can tell you that [you] can rationalize it if you want to, but you're not cheating on the woman," Iyanla said. "You are cheating on yourself."

1 obsession   

n.困扰，无法摆脱的思想(或情感)

参考例句：

• I was suffering from obsession that my career would be ended.那时的我陷入了我的事业有可能就此终止的困扰当中。
• She would try to forget her obsession with Christopher.她会努力忘记对克里斯托弗的迷恋。

2 jealousy   

n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌

参考例句：

• Some women have a disposition to jealousy.有些女人生性爱妒忌。
• I can't support your jealousy any longer.我再也无法忍受你的嫉妒了。

3 fixed   

adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的

参考例句：

• Have you two fixed on a date for the wedding yet?你们俩选定婚期了吗？
• Once the aim is fixed,we should not change it arbitrarily.目标一旦确定，我们就不应该随意改变。

4 antennae   

n.天线；触角

参考例句：

• Sometimes a creature uses a pair of antennae to swim.有时某些动物使用其一对触须来游泳。
• Cuba's government said that Cubans found watching American television on clandestine antennae would face three years in jail.古巴政府说那些用秘密天线收看美国电视的古巴人将面临三年监禁。

5 glossary   

n.注释词表；术语汇编

参考例句：

• The text is supplemented by an adequate glossary.正文附有一个详细的词汇表。
• For convenience,we have also provided a glossary in an appendix.为了方便，我们在附录中也提供了术语表。

6 testimony   

n.证词；见证，证明

参考例句：

• The testimony given by him is dubious.他所作的证据是可疑的。
• He was called in to bear testimony to what the police officer said.他被传入为警官所说的话作证。

7 spoke   

n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说

参考例句：

• They sourced the spoke nuts from our company.他们的轮辐螺帽是从我们公司获得的。
• The spokes of a wheel are the bars that connect the outer ring to the centre.辐条是轮子上连接外圈与中心的条棒。

8 liar   

n.说谎的人

参考例句：

• I know you for a thief and a liar!我算认识你了，一个又偷又骗的家伙！
• She was wrongly labelled a liar.她被错误地扣上说谎者的帽子。

9 liars   

说谎者( liar的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• The greatest liars talk most of themselves. 最爱自吹自擂的人是最大的说谎者。
• Honest boys despise lies and liars. 诚实的孩子鄙视谎言和说谎者。

10 makeup   

n.组织；性格；化装品

参考例句：

• Those who failed the exam take a makeup exam.这次考试不及格的人必须参加补考。
• Do you think her beauty could makeup for her stupidity?你认为她的美丽能弥补她的愚蠢吗？

11 facade   

n.(建筑物的)正面，临街正面；外表

参考例句：

• The entrance facade consists of a large full height glass door.入口正面有一大型全高度玻璃门。
• If you look carefully,you can see through Bob's facade.如果你仔细观察，你就能看穿鲍勃的外表。

12 judgment   

n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见

参考例句：

• The chairman flatters himself on his judgment of people.主席自认为他审视人比别人高明。
• He's a man of excellent judgment.他眼力过人。

13 genes   

n.基因( gene的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• You have good genes from your parents, so you should live a long time. 你从父母那儿获得优良的基因，所以能够活得很长。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Differences will help to reveal the functions of the genes. 它们间的差异将会帮助我们揭开基因多种功能。 来自英汉非文学 - 生命科学 - 生物技术的世纪

14 ego   

n.自我，自己，自尊

参考例句：

• He is absolute ego in all thing.在所有的事情上他都绝对自我。
• She has been on an ego trip since she sang on television.她上电视台唱过歌之后就一直自吹自擂。