爱情中一定要做和绝不能做的事

 As a psychologist and relationship counselor¹ for over 25 years, I speak from experience when I say there's more to the art of love than we can imagine: people are complex, riddled² with flaws and deep desires, desperately³ seeking to be understood. Practice these 8 relationship dos and don'ts to fortify⁴ your romance with harmony, stability, and joy:

作为一位从业逾25年的心理学家和情感咨询师，从经验出发，我会说：爱的艺术要比我们想象得更高深。人是很复杂的，有令人迷惑的缺点和深层次的渴望，而且非常希望能被别人理解。你可以在情感关系中试试以下8件“一定要”和“一定不要”做的事，让你们的爱情关系更加和谐、稳定、愉悦。

Do develop emotional intimacy⁵: Emotional intimacy is knowing what your partner needs before they even get a chance to ask. It is picking up on their feelings as if they were your own. Develop a sense of emotional intimacy by being honest with your partner and sensitive to their needs.

一定要建立情感亲密。情感亲密就是知晓伴侣所需，甚至在他们开口之前你就已经知道了。你要关注他们的感觉，就像关注自己的感觉一样。要建立一种情感上的亲密感，你需要和你的伴侣坦诚相待，并敏感地感知他们的需求。

爱情中一定要做和绝不能做的事

Do plan a life together: Our plans may not always work out, but envisioning a future with our partner inspires us to take the right steps towards manifesting our long-term goals. Talk about the years ahead and form a strategy to achieve the things you want together: a home, a family, investments, etc.

一定要一起规划人生。我们的规划不一定会实现，但是和伴侣一起憧憬未来可以激励我们沿着正确的方向朝着长期目标大步迈进。你们可以谈谈未来几年的事，达成一致策略，以实现共同目标：如房屋计划、家庭计划、投资计划等等。

Do bring them comfort: Your partner wants to come home to love, not to a headache. Make your home a place that always reels your partner back because they feel safe, stable, and nurtured⁶. Don't start talking about your problems as soon as your partner walks through the door.

一定要让他们感到舒适。你的伴侣希望回家能感受到爱，而不是一回去就头疼。把你的家打造成一个伴侣心之所系之处，让他们感觉安全、稳定、受到关爱。不要伴侣一走进家门，你就开始倾诉自己遇到的问题。

Do act in the right time: Time can be your biggest enemy or your best friend. The wisdom is to recognize when you should act versus⁷ when you should wait. Don't obligate your partner to do things in a certain amount of time.

一定要在合适的时间做合适的事。时间可以是你最大的敌人，也可以是你最好的朋友。关键是你要用智慧分辨出什么时候应该有所行动、什么时候应该耐心等待。一定不要强迫你的伴侣在限定的时间内做什么事。

Don't play on their weaknesses: Every day, you have the choice to play on your partner's weaknesses or to reiterate⁸ their strengths. If you constantly bring up what they're doing wrong, they'll never feel motivated to do anything right. No relationship can improve under such negative energy.

一定不要拿他们的弱点消遣。你每天都可以选择消遣伴侣的缺点或者反复强调他们的优点。如果你不断地说他们做错了什么，那么他们就永远都不会有做对的动力。在这种负能量作用下，情感关系是不可能向前发展的。

Don't get even: No matter what your partner has done or however they've wronged you in the past, don't retaliate⁹ or act in bad faith. Keep your personal karma clean by always treating the other person the way you'd like to be treated, regardless of the way they behave towards you.

一定不要报复。不论你的伴侣做过什么，不论以前他们怎么冤枉过你，一定不要报复或者故意使坏。远离因果报应，希望别人怎样对待你，你就怎样对待别人，不论他们到底是怎么对你的。

Don't assume or blow things out of proportion: Before you throw a tantrum, sit and reflect logically: Is it really as bad as I assume? Speak to your partner openly about what's bothering you instead of blowing up on them.

一定不要胡思乱想或大发脾气。在你发脾气之前，坐下来，理智地思考一下：事情真的像我想象得那么糟吗？开诚布公地和伴侣谈谈让你心烦的事，而不是冲着他们发脾气。

Don't act out of desperation: Think through your decisions a thousand times before you act on them. Acting¹⁰ on desperation will only yield more desperation. If you're desperate to get your partner to change, don't threaten to break up with them when in reality it's the last thing you want to.

一定不要不顾一切采取行动。行动之前，要把你的决策反复咀嚼一千遍。在绝望之中不顾一切，只会带来更大的绝望。如果你非常渴望伴侣做出改变，一定不要威胁他们说要分手——事实上分手是你最不想做的一件事。

Love relationships are undoubtedly¹¹ difficult to maintain if we don't consider the steps to uphold a positive dynamic. Take up these 8 tips to eliminate relationship problems and strengthen the loving bond with your partner.

毫无疑问，如果我们不考虑采取一些方法来维持爱情中的正向动力，一段爱情关系是很难维系的。用好以上8个小贴士，解决爱情关系中的问题，加固你和伴侣之间的爱之纽带吧。

1 counselor   

n.顾问，法律顾问

参考例句：

• The counselor gave us some disinterested advice.顾问给了我们一些无私的忠告。
• Chinese commercial counselor's office in foreign countries.中国驻国外商务参赞处。

2 riddled   

adj.布满的；充斥的；泛滥的v.解谜，出谜题(riddle的过去分词形式)

参考例句：

• The beams are riddled with woodworm. 这些木梁被蛀虫蛀得都是洞。
• The bodies of the hostages were found riddled with bullets. 在人质的尸体上发现了很多弹孔。 来自《简明英汉词典》

3 desperately   

adv.极度渴望地，绝望地，孤注一掷地

参考例句：

• He was desperately seeking a way to see her again.他正拼命想办法再见她一面。
• He longed desperately to be back at home.他非常渴望回家。

4 fortify   

v.强化防御，为…设防；加强，强化

参考例句：

• This country will fortify the coastal areas.该国将加强沿海地区的防御。
• This treaty forbade the United States to fortify the canal.此条约禁止美国对运河设防。

5 intimacy   

n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行

参考例句：

• His claims to an intimacy with the President are somewhat exaggerated.他声称自己与总统关系密切，这有点言过其实。
• I wish there were a rule book for intimacy.我希望能有个关于亲密的规则。

6 nurtured   

养育( nurture的过去式和过去分词 )； 培育； 滋长； 助长

参考例句：

• She is looking fondly at the plants he had nurtured. 她深情地看着他培育的植物。
• Any latter-day Einstein would still be spotted and nurtured. 任何一个未来的爱因斯坦都会被发现并受到培养。

7 versus   

prep.以…为对手，对；与…相比之下

参考例句：

• The big match tonight is England versus Spain.今晚的大赛是英格兰对西班牙。
• The most exciting game was Harvard versus Yale.最富紧张刺激的球赛是哈佛队对耶鲁队。

8 reiterate   

v.重申，反复地说

参考例句：

• Let me reiterate that we have absolutely no plans to increase taxation.让我再一次重申我们绝对没有增税的计划。
• I must reiterate that our position on this issue is very clear.我必须重申我们对这一项议题的立场很清楚。

9 retaliate   

v.报复，反击

参考例句：

• He sought every opportunity to retaliate against his enemy.他找机会向他的敌人反击。
• It is strictly forbidden to retaliate against the quality inspectors.严禁对质量检验人员进行打击报复。

10 acting   

n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的

参考例句：

• Ignore her,she's just acting.别理她，她只是假装的。
• During the seventies,her acting career was in eclipse.在七十年代，她的表演生涯黯然失色。

11 undoubtedly   

adv.确实地，无疑地

参考例句：

• It is undoubtedly she who has said that.这话明明是她说的。
• He is undoubtedly the pride of China.毫无疑问他是中国的骄傲。