恋爱观：爱情里，你是拒绝还是接受？

 　　Most people don't naturally think they reject love. By learning what behaviors we engage in that push away our partner, we can really start to change these behaviors and shift the dynamics¹ of our relationship.

　　多数人并不认为自己在拒绝爱。要了解我们哪些行为把我们的伴侣推开了，我们才能真正改变这些行为，改变恋爱的现状。

　　恋爱观：爱情里，你是拒绝还是接受？

　　1. Withholding³

　　1、有所保留

　　As people get closer to each other in relationship, their fears of intimacy⁴ can start to turn them against themselves, and in order to create distance, they start to withhold² the qualities their partner valued most.

　　恋爱中，随着关系愈加亲近，惧怕亲密会让人背离自己，为了增加距离感，对于伴侣尤为珍视的品质人们会开始有所克制。

　　2. Shutting down

　　2、黯然不语

　　Our defenses can lead us to become inward or act cold, finding millions of excuses not to interact with someone we love. We stop engaging in loving acts and we may even outright⁵ reject our partner by avoiding spending time together.

　　我们对人设防会导致自己变得封闭内向，表现得冷漠，找出数百种理由不和我们所爱的人交流。我们不再示爱，甚至拒绝我们的伴侣， 避免与之共度时光。

　　3. Becoming overly critical

　　3、过分挑剔

　　The more extreme side is starting to actually pick at our partner. We start to have an unfavorable picture of our partner and our relationship. We start to see our relationship as more of a mathematical problem.

　　更为极端的一面是，我们开始对爱侣横挑鼻子竖挑眼，对恋爱前景颇不看好。我们更多地把恋爱关系视为数学问题。

　　4. Putting form over substance

　　4、重形式不重本质

　　So many couples say they are in love but proceed to treat each other with a disregard or disrespect. We should make our actions match our words and keep engaging in acts that our partner would perceive as loving.

　　太多的情侣称他们在恋爱中，但却彼此漠视、互不尊敬。我们应该言行一致、爱意满满地对待伴侣。

　　5. Picking fights

　　5、找茬拌嘴

　　All couples will face conflicts and difficult issues to resolve, as any two people with two sovereign minds will. However, there are times when we start to nag⁶ or provoke our partner more frequently or out of the blue. These actions serve no other purpose than to actually push our partner away.

　　所有爱侣都会有冲突，会有难题要解开，但凡思想独立的两个人都会这样。然而，也有的时候我们开始唠叨，动不动就刺激我们的伴侣、发起挑衅。这些举动只会让伴侣和我们疏远。

　　We can take an open stance and find the root causes of our fears or resistance to intimacy. Ultimately,we can be persistent⁷ in our effort to make love a priority and to keep it alive and well in our lives.

　　我们应姿态开明，找到我们恐惧亲近、抗拒亲密的根源。最重要的是，我们要持之以恒，让爱在生命中占首要地位。

1 dynamics   

n.力学，动力学，动力，原动力；动态

参考例句：

• In order to succeed,you must master complicated knowledge of dynamics.要取得胜利，你必须掌握很复杂的动力学知识。
• Dynamics is a discipline that cannot be mastered without extensive practice.动力学是一门不做大量习题就不能掌握的学科。

2 withhold   

v.拒绝，不给；使停止，阻挡

参考例句：

• It was unscrupulous of their lawyer to withhold evidence.他们的律师隐瞒证据是不道德的。
• I couldn't withhold giving some loose to my indignation.我忍不住要发泄一点我的愤怒。

3 withholding   

扣缴税款

参考例句：

• She was accused of withholding information from the police. 她被指控对警方知情不报。
• The judge suspected the witness was withholding information. 法官怀疑见证人在隐瞒情况。

4 intimacy   

n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行

参考例句：

• His claims to an intimacy with the President are somewhat exaggerated.他声称自己与总统关系密切，这有点言过其实。
• I wish there were a rule book for intimacy.我希望能有个关于亲密的规则。

5 outright   

adv.坦率地；彻底地；立即；adj.无疑的；彻底的

参考例句：

• If you have a complaint you should tell me outright.如果你有不满意的事，你应该直率地对我说。
• You should persuade her to marry you outright.你应该彻底劝服她嫁给你。

6 nag   

v.(对…)不停地唠叨；n.爱唠叨的人

参考例句：

• Nobody likes to work with a nag.谁也不愿与好唠叨的人一起共事。
• Don't nag me like an old woman.别像个老太婆似的唠唠叨叨烦我。

7 persistent   

adj.坚持不懈的，执意的；持续的

参考例句：

• Albert had a persistent headache that lasted for three days.艾伯特连续头痛了三天。
• She felt embarrassed by his persistent attentions.他不时地向她大献殷勤，使她很难为情。