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英语PK台 第425期:亲密关系中致命的九句话

时间:2018-08-23 03:11来源:互联网 提供网友:mapleleaf   字体: [ ]
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    (单词翻译:双击或拖选)

   Nothing good can come of telling your spouse1 "you sound just like your mother."

  若你对你的伴侣说,“你说话和你妈一个德性”,看吧,那之后准没好事。
  When you're married or in a long-term relationship, some things are better left unsaid. Below, marriage therapists and other experts share 10 phrases and statements to strike from your vocabulary now.
  假如你结婚了或处于长期的恋爱关系中,有些话最好烂在肚子里。婚姻治疗师和其他专家们建议,下面这九句话最好别再说了。
  1. "You never do the dishes. You always just leave them sitting there."
  “你从来不洗碗,总在那堆着。”
  The dishes are a placeholder for pretty much anything here. Whatever the issue, using accusatory blanket terms like "never" and "always" tends to end the same way every time: with you and your boo engaged in an overblown argument. Plus, there's a good chance your generalization2 is wrong, said Samantha Rodman, a psychologist in Takoma Park, Maryland.
  这里的“碗”可以换成很多其他东西。不管是什么,用“从不”、“总是”等一概而论地指责只会带来一个结果:那就是言过其实、夸大其词的争吵。而且,美国马里兰州蒙哥马利学院塔科马公园分校的心理学家萨曼莎·罗德曼说,这种一概而论的说法很可能是错误的。
  "Nothing is black and white so telling a partner that she's never on time or he's always selfish can't be right," she told The Huffington Post. "These types of statements only lead to a prosecutor-defendant dynamic, which is not what you want in your marriage."
  罗德曼在《赫芬顿邮报》上说,“凡事都无绝对,所以,说你的伴侣从来不准时或总是很自私,这都是片面的。说这种话只能引发一场激烈的辩论,这在婚姻中并不是你所想要的。”
  2. "You sound exactly like your mother."
  “你说话和你妈一个德性”
  When arguing, stick to the issue at hand and keep the focus on the two of you. Introducing nasty comparisons to your in-laws is unfair and ultimately a diversion from your problems, said Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill, a marriage and family therapist and the author of A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage.
  在争吵时,记得就事论事,不要把矛头指向你俩以外的人。莎郎·吉尔彻雷斯特·奥尼尔(Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill)是一位婚姻家庭治疗师,也是《幸福婚姻小指南》(A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage)的作者。她说,把你的亲家拿来比较,说些难听的话,这是不公平的,最终也会让你忘了原本要解决的问题。
  "Mentioning parents can easily become mean-spirited attacks that interfere3 with the couple's ability to address the underlying4 issues," she told HuffPost.
  她在《赫芬顿邮报》上说,“伴侣吵架时提及对方父母很可能成为一种刻薄的攻击,不利于两个人解决根本问题。”
  3."You think you're better than everyone else!"
  “你以为别人都不如你吗!”
  Never put words in your partner's mouth or in this case, thoughts in their head. There's no way of knowing what someone is feeling or thinking, so keep the assumptions to yourself, said Becky Whetstone, a marriage and family therapist in Little Rock, Arkansas.
  永远别对你的伴侣说这句话,也不要让他/她这样想。美国阿肯色大学小石城分校的婚姻家庭治疗师贝基·惠茨通(Becky Whetstone)说,你不可能知道别人的感受或想法,所以,这句话还是不要说出口为好。
  "These statements are aggravating5 because your spouse knows that what you're accusing them of is not true," she said. "What you're saying suggests you don't think very highly of your S.O. It's a double dose of pain in one sentence."
  她说,“这样的话很让人恼火,因为你的伴侣知道你的指责是不正确的,而且这么说表示你对你的伴侣并不满意。这一句话带来的伤害是双重的。”
  4. "Do I look like I've put on weight?"
  “我是不是胖了?”
  Questions about weight or changes in looks are the "oldest grenades in the marriage script," said Robyn Wahlgast, a dating and relationship coach for woman.
  萝缤·沃尔加斯特(Robyn Wahlgast)是一位女性婚恋专家,她说,关于体重和外貌变化的问题是“婚姻中一枚最传统的手榴弹。”
  "What you really mean by asking this is, 'I know I've put on weight. I'm unhappy about how I look and I need you to say that you're OK with my current state.'" she said. "These types of questions are all about side-stepping personal responsibility, plus they force your partner into an enabling role."
  “问这样的问题,你其实是想说,‘我知道我胖了,我对我的外表很不满意,我想听你说,就算这样你也喜欢我。‘问这样的问题纯粹是回避个人责任,而且还把责任强加到了你的伴侣身上。”
  5. "Have you put on a few pounds?"
  “你是不是胖了?”
  Blunt, negative remarks to your spouse about his or her appearance are also out of line.
  对伴侣的外表进行直接批评也是不合适的。
  "Unconstructive criticism of physical appearance is as bad as it gets," Whetstone said. "It's painful because you're suggesting that your partner isn't good enough or that they're less than or defective6."
  惠茨通说,“对于外表的非建设性批评很不合适,这对你的伴侣是一种伤害,因为这表明你的伴侣不够好,或者有缺陷。”
  6. "You're a horrible parent, breadwinner, lover..."
  “作为家长(或一家之主、爱人)你真是差劲”
  Put-downs centered around your spouse's family or occupational roles are particularly cruel, said M. Gary Neuman, a psychotherapist based in Miami Beach, Florida.
  佛罗里达州迈阿密滩的心理治疗师加里·纽曼(M. Gary Neuman)说,对于你的伴侣的家庭或职业身份进行贬低是一件特别残忍的事。
  "Negative statements about our self-identities are devastating," he said. "These roles are so important and tender. When they're questioned, we feel completely torn down. It becomes hard to forget statements like this."
  他说,“对于自我认同的消极评价是毁灭性的。这些身份认同很重要,也很脆弱。在自我认同受到质疑时,我们会受到很大的打击,也很难原谅这些话。”
  7. "Ugh, I hate when you do that." (Said in front of friends or family.)
  “哎,我讨厌你这样做”(在亲朋好友面前)
  Putting your spouse down in front of others is a huge no-no in a relationship, said Whetstone.
  惠茨通说,当众批评对方是伴侣关系中的一大禁忌。
  "In this example, you are gathering7 people against your spouse—and what is worse than that? It is hard to recover from such a boundary violation," she said. "It causes resentment8 and a lack of trust."
  她说,“假如你集结一帮人和你的伴侣唱反调,有什么比这更糟糕?这是一种难以原谅的越界,会导致憎恨和信任的丧失。”
  8. "I barely know him—he's just someone I work with."
  “我和他不熟,他只是个同事。"
  It's almost inevitable9 that you or your partner will develop a small, innocent crush on someone at some point during your marriage. If that happens, be upfront about it. Don't try to sweep it under the rug with a statement that minimizes your feelings, said Wahlgast.
  婚后,难免你或你的伴侣会不经意对别人产生好感。假如这种情况真的出现了,要坦诚面对。沃尔加斯特说,不要试图轻描淡写,遮遮掩掩。
  "The best way to neutralize10 the potential destructiveness of your crush is to briefly11 and simply acknowledge it to your spouse," she said. "Try saying to your husband, 'I know it sounds ridiculous, but I have a bit of a crush on that new consultant12. He's so funny—his sense of humor reminds me of yours.'"
  她说,“要想避免这种好感可能带来的破坏,最好的方法是向你的伴侣简短而直接地坦诚你的想法。你可以试着对丈夫说,‘听起来可能荒谬,但我对那个新来的顾问还挺有好感。他挺有意思,他的幽默感让我想到了你。’”
  Though it may be an uncomfortable subject to broach13, ultimately, Wahlgast said being transparent14 about your feelings "will create more openness with your partner. You'll each feel more comfortable bringing up other taboo15 subjects in a kind and respectful way."
  尽管谈论这个话题可能会让人不舒服,但沃尔加斯特说,终究来看,坦诚你的感受“可以让你和伴侣之间的关系更加透明。你们今后都会更加舒服地以一种相互尊重的方式谈论其他禁忌话题。”
  9. "You shouldn't feel that way."
  “你不该那么想。”
  There's nothing more belittling16 or condescending17 than telling your spouse what he should or shouldn't be feeling in any given situation, Rodman said.
  罗德曼说,告诉你的伴侣在某种情况下该怎么想、不该怎么想,这是一种特别居高临下的方式。
  "There is no right or wrong way for someone to feel," she said. "Feelings are what they are; try to understand your partner and be curious about his experience rather than dismissing what you don't understand."
  她说,“感受不分对错,感受是客观存在的,要试着理解伴侣,对他的经历保持好奇,而不是对你所不理解的东西表示轻视。”

点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 spouse Ah6yK     
n.配偶(指夫或妻)
参考例句:
  • Her spouse will come to see her on Sunday.她的丈夫星期天要来看她。
  • What is the best way to keep your spouse happy in the marriage?在婚姻中保持配偶幸福的最好方法是什么?
2 generalization 6g4xv     
n.普遍性,一般性,概括
参考例句:
  • This sweeping generalization is the law of conservation of energy.这一透彻的概括就是能量守恒定律。
  • The evaluation of conduct involves some amount of generalization.对操行的评价会含有一些泛泛之论。
3 interfere b5lx0     
v.(in)干涉,干预;(with)妨碍,打扰
参考例句:
  • If we interfere, it may do more harm than good.如果我们干预的话,可能弊多利少。
  • When others interfere in the affair,it always makes troubles. 别人一卷入这一事件,棘手的事情就来了。
4 underlying 5fyz8c     
adj.在下面的,含蓄的,潜在的
参考例句:
  • The underlying theme of the novel is very serious.小说隐含的主题是十分严肃的。
  • This word has its underlying meaning.这个单词有它潜在的含义。
5 aggravating a730a877bac97b818a472d65bb9eed6d     
adj.恼人的,讨厌的
参考例句:
  • How aggravating to be interrupted! 被打扰,多令人生气呀!
  • Diesel exhaust is particularly aggravating to many susceptible individuals. 许多体质敏感的人尤其反感柴油废气。
6 defective qnLzZ     
adj.有毛病的,有问题的,有瑕疵的
参考例句:
  • The firm had received bad publicity over a defective product. 该公司因为一件次品而受到媒体攻击。
  • If the goods prove defective, the customer has the right to compensation. 如果货品证明有缺陷, 顾客有权索赔。
7 gathering ChmxZ     
n.集会,聚会,聚集
参考例句:
  • He called on Mr. White to speak at the gathering.他请怀特先生在集会上讲话。
  • He is on the wing gathering material for his novels.他正忙于为他的小说收集资料。
8 resentment 4sgyv     
n.怨愤,忿恨
参考例句:
  • All her feelings of resentment just came pouring out.她一股脑儿倾吐出所有的怨恨。
  • She cherished a deep resentment under the rose towards her employer.她暗中对她的雇主怀恨在心。
9 inevitable 5xcyq     
adj.不可避免的,必然发生的
参考例句:
  • Mary was wearing her inevitable large hat.玛丽戴着她总是戴的那顶大帽子。
  • The defeat had inevitable consequences for British policy.战败对英国政策不可避免地产生了影响。
10 neutralize g5hzm     
v.使失效、抵消,使中和
参考例句:
  • Nothing could neutralize its good effects.没有什么能抵消它所产生的好影响。
  • Acids neutralize alkalis and vice versa.酸能使碱中和碱,亦能使酸中和。
11 briefly 9Styo     
adv.简单地,简短地
参考例句:
  • I want to touch briefly on another aspect of the problem.我想简单地谈一下这个问题的另一方面。
  • He was kidnapped and briefly detained by a terrorist group.他被一个恐怖组织绑架并短暂拘禁。
12 consultant 2v0zp3     
n.顾问;会诊医师,专科医生
参考例句:
  • He is a consultant on law affairs to the mayor.他是市长的一个法律顾问。
  • Originally,Gar had agreed to come up as a consultant.原来,加尔只答应来充当我们的顾问。
13 broach HsTzn     
v.开瓶,提出(题目)
参考例句:
  • It's a good chance to broach the subject.这是开始提出那个问题的好机会。
  • I thought I'd better broach the matter with my boss.我想我最好还是跟老板说一下这事。
14 transparent Smhwx     
adj.明显的,无疑的;透明的
参考例句:
  • The water is so transparent that we can see the fishes swimming.水清澈透明,可以看到鱼儿游来游去。
  • The window glass is transparent.窗玻璃是透明的。
15 taboo aqBwg     
n.禁忌,禁止接近,禁止使用;adj.禁忌的;v.禁忌,禁制,禁止
参考例句:
  • The rude words are taboo in ordinary conversation.这些粗野的字眼在日常谈话中是禁忌的。
  • Is there a taboo against sex before marriage in your society?在你们的社会里,婚前的性行为犯禁吗?
16 belittling f2b71888b429fab9345a28d38fc35bfe     
使显得微小,轻视,贬低( belittle的现在分词 )
参考例句:
  • We must be realistic in our self-estimation, neither being conceited nor belittling ourselves. 我们对自己的估计应该实事求是, 不要自高自大,也不要妄自菲薄。
  • I find it belittling to be criticized by someone so much younger than me. 有个比我年轻许多的人批评了我,我觉得是小看了我。
17 condescending avxzvU     
adj.谦逊的,故意屈尊的
参考例句:
  • He has a condescending attitude towards women. 他对女性总是居高临下。
  • He tends to adopt a condescending manner when talking to young women. 和年轻女子说话时,他喜欢摆出一副高高在上的姿态。
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