3-25

25.

The address was half an hour from Nott Cott. Just a quick drive across the Thames, past the

park…but it felt like one of my polar journeys.

Heart pounding, I took a deep breath, knocked at the door.

The woman opened it, welcomed me. She led me down a short corridor to her office.

First door on the left.

Small room. Windows with venetian blinds. Right on the busy street. You could hear cars,

shoes clicking on the pavement. People talking, laughing.

She was fifteen years older than me, but youthful. She reminded me of Tiggy. It was shocking,

really. Such a similar vibe.

She pointed¹ me to a dark green sofa and took a chair across the room. The day was autumnal,

yet I was sweating profusely². I apologized. I overheat easily. Also, I’m a bit nervous.

Say no more.

She jumped up, ran out. Moments later she returned with a little fan, which she aimed at me.

Ah, lovely. Thank you.

She waited for me to begin. But I didn’t know where to begin. So I began with my mum. I said

I was afraid of losing her.

She gave me a long, searching look.

She knew, of course, that I’d already lost my mum. How surreal, to meet a therapist who

already knows part of your life story, who’s possibly spent beach holidays reading whole books

about you.

Yes, I’ve already lost my mum, of course, but I’m afraid that by talking about her, now, here,

to a perfect stranger, and perhaps alleviating³ some of the pain of that loss, I’ll be losing her

again. I’ll be losing that feeling, that presence of her—or what I’ve always felt as her presence.

The therapist squinted⁴. I tried again.

You see…the pain…if that’s what it is…that’s all I have left of her. And the pain is also what

drives me. Some days the pain is the only thing holding me together. And also, I suppose, without

the pain, well, she might think…I’ve forgotten her.

That sounded silly. But, well, there it was.

Most memories of my mother, I explained, with sudden and overwhelming⁵ sorrow, were gone.

On the other side of the Wall. I told her about the Wall. I told her I’d spoken to Willy about my

lack of memories of our mother. He’d advised me to look through photo albums, which I’d

promptly⁶ done. Nothing.

So, my mother wasn’t images, or impressions, she was mainly just a hole in my heart, and if I

healed that hole, patched it up—what then?

I asked if all this sounded crazy.

No.

We were silent.

A long time.

She asked me what I needed. Why are you here?

Look, I said. What I need…is to be rid of this heaviness in my chest. I need…I need…

Yes?

To cry. Please. Help me cry.

1 pointed   

adj.尖的，直截了当的

参考例句：

• He gave me a very sharp pointed pencil.他给我一支削得非常尖的铅笔。
• She wished to show Mrs.John Dashwood by this pointed invitation to her brother.她想通过对达茨伍德夫人提出直截了当的邀请向她的哥哥表示出来。

2 profusely   

ad.abundantly

参考例句：

• We were sweating profusely from the exertion of moving the furniture. 我们搬动家具大费气力，累得大汗淋漓。
• He had been working hard and was perspiring profusely. 他一直在努力干活，身上大汗淋漓的。

3 alleviating   

减轻，缓解，缓和( alleviate的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• If it's alleviating pain,who knows what else it's doing? 如果它减轻了疼痛，天知道还影响什么？
• Measuring poverty is not the same as alleviating it, of course. 当然，衡量贫困和减轻贫困是截然不同的。

4 squinted   

斜视( squint的过去式和过去分词 )； 眯着眼睛； 瞟； 从小孔或缝隙里看

参考例句：

• Pulling his rifle to his shoulder he squinted along the barrel. 他把枪顶肩，眯起眼睛瞄准。
• I squinted through the keyhole. 我从锁眼窥看。

5 overwhelming   

adj.势不可挡的，压倒的，无法抵抗的

参考例句：

• The flood was overwhelming and the city was soon drowned.洪水来势凶猛，很快这个城市就被淹没了。
• The act was adopted by an overwhelming majority.该法案以压倒多数通过。

6 promptly   

adv.及时地，敏捷地

参考例句：

• He paid the money back promptly.他立即还了钱。
• She promptly seized the opportunity his absence gave her.她立即抓住了因他不在场给她创造的机会。