3-26

26.

The next session I asked if it would be all right for me to lie down.

She smiled. I was wondering when you’d ask.

I stretched out on the green sofa, tucked a pillow under my neck.

I spoke¹ about the physical and emotional suffering. The panic, the anxiety. The sweats.

How long has this been going on?

Two or three years now. It used to be much worse.

I told her about the talk with Cress. During the skiing holiday. The top coming off the bottle,

emotions fizzing all over the place. I’d cried a bit then…but it wasn’t enough. I needed to cry

more. And I couldn’t.

I got around to talking about the deep rage, the ostensible² trigger for seeking her out in the first

place. I described the scene with Meg, in the kitchen.

I shook my head.

I vented³ about my family. Pa and Willy. Camilla. I frequently stopped myself, mid-sentence, at

the sound of passersby⁴ outside the window. If they ever knew. Prince Harry⁵ in there yapping about

his family. His problems. Oh, the papers would have a field day.

Which led us on to the subject of the press. Firmer ground. I let fly. My own countrymen and

countrywomen, I said, showing such contempt, such vile⁶ disrespect, to the woman I loved. Sure,

the press had been cruel to me through the years, but that was different. I was born into it. And

sometimes I’d asked for it, brought it on myself.

But this woman has done nothing to deserve such cruelty.

And whenever I complained about it, privately⁷ or publicly, people just rolled their eyes. They

said I was whingeing, said I only pretended to want privacy, said Meg was pretending as well. Oh,

she’s getting chased, is she? Wah-wah, give us a break! She’ll be fine, she’s an actress, she’s used

to paps, in fact, wants them.

But no one wanted this. No one could ever get used to it. All those eye-rollers couldn’t take

ten minutes of it. Meg was having panic attacks for the first time in her life. She’d recently

received a text from a perfect stranger who knew her address in Toronto and promised to put a

bullet into her head.

The therapist said I sounded angry.

Shit, yes, I was angry!

She said that, no matter how valid⁸ my complaints, I also sounded stuck. Granted, Meg and I

were living through an ordeal⁹, but the Harry who’d snapped at Meg with such anger wasn’t this

Harry, the reasonable Harry, lying on this sofa and laying out his case. That was twelve-year-old

Harry, traumatized Harry.

What you’re going through right now is reminiscent of 1997, Harry, but I also fear that part of

you is trapped in 1997.

I didn’t like the sound of that. I felt a bit insulted. Calling me a child? Seems a bit rude.

You say you want truth, you value truth above all—well, there’s the truth.

The session went over the allotted¹⁰ time. It lasted nearly two hours. When our time was up, we

made a date to get together again soon. I asked if it would be all right if I gave her a hug.

Yes, of course.

I embraced her lightly, thanked her.

Outside, on the street, my head was swimming. In each direction there was an amazing

collection of restaurants and shops, and I’d have given anything to walk up and down, look in the

windows, give myself time to process all I’d said and learned.

But, of course, impossible.

Didn’t want to cause a scene.

1 spoke   

n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说

参考例句：

• They sourced the spoke nuts from our company.他们的轮辐螺帽是从我们公司获得的。
• The spokes of a wheel are the bars that connect the outer ring to the centre.辐条是轮子上连接外圈与中心的条棒。

2 ostensible   

adj.(指理由)表面的，假装的

参考例句：

• The ostensible reason wasn't the real reason.表面上的理由并不是真正的理由。
• He resigned secretaryship on the ostensible ground of health.他借口身体不好，辞去书记的职务。

3 vented   

表达，发泄（感情，尤指愤怒）( vent的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• He vented his frustration on his wife. 他受到挫折却把气发泄到妻子身上。
• He vented his anger on his secretary. 他朝秘书发泄怒气。

4 passersby   

n. 过路人(行人,经过者)

参考例句：

• He had terrorized Oxford Street,where passersby had seen only his footprints. 他曾使牛津街笼罩了一片恐怖气氛，因为那儿的行人只能看到他的脚印，看不到他的人。 来自英汉 - 翻译样例 - 文学
• A person is marceling on a street, watching passersby passing. 街边烫发者打量着匆匆行人。

5 harry   

vt.掠夺，蹂躏，使苦恼

参考例句：

• Today,people feel more hurried and harried.今天，人们感到更加忙碌和苦恼。
• Obama harried business by Healthcare Reform plan.奥巴马用医改掠夺了商界。

6 vile   

adj.卑鄙的，可耻的，邪恶的；坏透的

参考例句：

• Who could have carried out such a vile attack?会是谁发起这么卑鄙的攻击呢？
• Her talk was full of vile curses.她的话里充满着恶毒的咒骂。

7 privately   

adv.以私人的身份，悄悄地，私下地

参考例句：

• Some ministers admit privately that unemployment could continue to rise.一些部长私下承认失业率可能继续升高。
• The man privately admits that his motive is profits.那人私下承认他的动机是为了牟利。

8 valid   

adj.有确实根据的；有效的；正当的，合法的

参考例句：

• His claim to own the house is valid.他主张对此屋的所有权有效。
• Do you have valid reasons for your absence?你的缺席有正当理由吗？

9 ordeal   

n.苦难经历，（尤指对品格、耐力的）严峻考验

参考例句：

• She managed to keep her sanity throughout the ordeal.在那场磨难中她始终保持神志正常。
• Being lost in the wilderness for a week was an ordeal for me.在荒野里迷路一星期对我来说真是一场磨难。

10 allotted   

分配，拨给，摊派( allot的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• I completed the test within the time allotted . 我在限定的时间内完成了试验。
• Each passenger slept on the berth allotted to him. 每个旅客都睡在分配给他的铺位上。