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28.

I always thought Cressida had performed a miracle, opening me up, releasing suppressed

emotions. But she’d only started the miracle, and now the therapist brought it to completion.

All my life I’d told people I couldn’t remember the past, couldn’t remember my mum, but I

never gave anyone the full picture. My memory was dead. Now, through months of therapy, my

memory twitched¹, kicked, sputtered².

It came to life.

Some days I’d open my eyes to find Mummy…standing³ before me.

A thousand images returned, some so bright and vivid that they were like holograms.

I remembered mornings in Mummy’s apartment at Kensington Palace, the nanny waking

Willy and me, helping⁴ us down to Mummy’s bedroom. I remembered that she had a waterbed, and

Willy and I would jump up and down on the mattress⁵, screaming, laughing, our hair standing

straight up. I remembered the breakfasts together, Mummy loving grapefruit and lychees, seldom

drinking coffee or tea. I remembered that after breakfast we’d embark⁶ on the working day with

her, sitting by her side during her first phone calls, auditing⁷ her business meetings.

I remembered Willy and me joining her for a chat with Christy Turlington, Claudia Schiffer,

and Cindy Crawford. Very confusing. Especially for two shy boys, at or about the age of puberty.

I remembered bedtimes in Kensington Palace, saying goodnight at the foot of the stairs,

kissing her soft neck, inhaling⁸ her perfume, then lying in bed, in the dark, feeling so far away, so

alone, and longing⁹ to hear her voice just one more time. I remembered my bedroom being the

farthest from hers, and in the dark, in the terrible silence, being unable to relax, unable to let go.

The therapist urged me to press on. We’re breaking through, she said. Let’s not stop. I brought

to her office a bottle of Mummy’s favorite perfume. (I’d reached out to Mummy’s sister, asked for

the name.) First, by Van Cleef & Arpels. At the start of our session I lifted the lid, took a deep

sniff¹⁰.

Like a tab of LSD.

I read somewhere that smell is our oldest sense, and that fitted with what I experienced in that

moment, images rising from what felt like the most primal¹¹ part of my brain.

I remembered one day at Ludgrove, Mummy stuffing sweets into my sock. Outside sweets

were forbidden, so Mummy was flouting¹² school rules, giggling¹³ as she did so, which made me love

her even more. I remembered both of us laughing as we buried the sweets deep in the sock, and

me squealing¹⁴: Oh, Mummy, you’re so naughty! I remembered the brand of those sweets. Opal

Fruits!

Hard squares of bright colors…not unlike these resurrected memories.

No wonder I was so keen on Grub Days.

And Opal Fruits.

I remembered going to tennis lessons in the car, Mummy driving, Willy and me in the back.

Without warning she trod on the accelerator and we went rocketing ahead, up narrow streets,

blasting through red lights, whipping around corners. Willy and I were strapped¹⁵ into our seats, so

we couldn’t look out of the back window, but we had a sense of what was chasing us. Paps on

motorbikes and mopeds. Are they going to kill us, Mummy? Are we going to die? Mummy,

wearing big sunglasses, peering into the mirrors. After fifteen minutes and several near smashes

Mummy slammed on the brakes, pulled over, jumped out and walked towards the paps: Leave us

alone! For God’s sake, I’m with my children, can’t you leave us alone? Trembling, pink-cheeked,

she got back into the car, slammed the door, rolled up the windows, leaned her head on the

steering¹⁶ wheel and wept while the paps kept clicking and clicking. I remembered the tears falling

from her big sunglasses and I remembered Willy looking frozen, like a statue, and I remembered

the paps just firing and firing and firing, and I remembered feeling such hatred¹⁷ for them and such

deep and eternal love for everyone in that car.

I remembered being on holiday, Necker Island, all three of us sitting in a cliffside hut, and here

came a boat with a gang of photographers, looking for us. We’d been playing with water balloons

that day and we had a bunch of them lying about. Mummy quickly rigged up a catapult and

divided the balloons among us. On the count of three we began raining them down on the heads of

the photographers. The sound of her laughter that day, lost to me all these years, was back—it was

back. Loud and clear as the traffic outside the therapist’s windows.

I cried with joy to hear it.

1 twitched   

vt.& vi.（使）抽动，（使）颤动（twitch的过去式与过去分词形式）

参考例句：

• Her lips twitched with amusement. 她忍俊不禁地颤动着嘴唇。
• The child's mouth twitched as if she were about to cry. 这小孩的嘴抽动着，像是要哭。 来自《简明英汉词典》

2 sputtered   

v.唾沫飞溅( sputter的过去式和过去分词 )；发劈啪声；喷出；飞溅出

参考例句：

• The candle sputtered out. 蜡烛噼啪爆响着熄灭了。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
• The balky engine sputtered and stopped. 不听使唤的发动机劈啪作响地停了下来。 来自辞典例句

3 standing   

n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的

参考例句：

• After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
• They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。

4 helping   

n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的，辅助的

参考例句：

• The poor children regularly pony up for a second helping of my hamburger. 那些可怜的孩子们总是要求我把我的汉堡包再给他们一份。
• By doing this, they may at times be helping to restore competition. 这样一来, 他在某些时候,有助于竞争的加强。

5 mattress   

n.床垫，床褥

参考例句：

• The straw mattress needs to be aired.草垫子该晾一晾了。
• The new mattress I bought sags in the middle.我买的新床垫中间陷了下去。

6 embark   

vi.乘船，着手，从事，上飞机

参考例句：

• He is about to embark on a new business venture.他就要开始新的商业冒险活动。
• Many people embark for Europe at New York harbor.许多人在纽约港乘船去欧洲。

7 auditing   

n.审计，查账，决算

参考例句：

• Auditing standards are the rules governing how an audit is performed.收支检查标准是规则统治一个稽核如何被运行。
• The auditing services market is dominated by a few large accounting firms.审计服务市场被几家大型会计公司独占了。

8 inhaling   

v.吸入( inhale的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• He was treated for the effects of inhaling smoke. 他因吸入烟尘而接受治疗。 来自辞典例句
• The long-term effects of inhaling contaminated air is unknown. 长期吸入被污染空气的影响还无从知晓。 来自互联网

9 longing   

n.（for）渴望

参考例句：

• Hearing the tune again sent waves of longing through her.再次听到那首曲子使她胸中充满了渴望。
• His heart burned with longing for revenge.他心中燃烧着急欲复仇的怒火。

10 sniff   

vi.嗅…味道；抽鼻涕；对嗤之以鼻，蔑视

参考例句：

• The police used dogs to sniff out the criminals in their hiding - place.警察使用警犬查出了罪犯的藏身地点。
• When Munchie meets a dog on the beach, they sniff each other for a while.当麦奇在海滩上碰到另一条狗的时候，他们会彼此嗅一会儿。

11 primal   

adj.原始的；最重要的

参考例句：

• Jealousy is a primal emotion.嫉妒是最原始的情感。
• Money was a primal necessity to them.对于他们，钱是主要的需要。

12 flouting   

v.藐视，轻视( flout的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• By selling alcohol to minors,the shop is deliberately flouting the law. 向未成年人出售烈性酒，是商店故意犯罪法。 来自口语例句
• By selling alcohol to minor, the shop is deliberately flouting the law. 向未成年人出售烈性酒，是商店故意犯法。 来自互联网

13 giggling   

v.咯咯地笑( giggle的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• We just sat there giggling like naughty schoolchildren. 我们只是坐在那儿像调皮的小学生一样的咯咯地傻笑。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• I can't stand her giggling, she's so silly. 她吃吃地笑，叫我真受不了，那样子傻透了。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》

14 squealing   

v.长声尖叫，用长而尖锐的声音说( squeal的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• Pigs were grunting and squealing in the yard. 猪在院子里哼哼地叫个不停。
• The pigs were squealing. 猪尖叫着。

15 strapped   

adj.用皮带捆住的，用皮带装饰的；身无分文的；缺钱；手头紧v.用皮带捆扎(strap的过去式和过去分词)；用皮带抽打；包扎；给…打绷带

参考例句：

• Make sure that the child is strapped tightly into the buggy. 一定要把孩子牢牢地拴在婴儿车上。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The soldiers' great coats were strapped on their packs. 战士们的厚大衣扎捆在背包上。 来自《简明英汉词典》

16 steering   

n.操舵装置

参考例句：

• He beat his hands on the steering wheel in frustration. 他沮丧地用手打了几下方向盘。
• Steering according to the wind, he also framed his words more amicably. 他真会看风使舵，口吻也马上变得温和了。

17 hatred   

n.憎恶，憎恨，仇恨

参考例句：

• He looked at me with hatred in his eyes.他以憎恨的眼光望着我。
• The old man was seized with burning hatred for the fascists.老人对法西斯主义者充满了仇恨。