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27.

The therapist, it so happened, had met Tiggy. Astounding¹ coincidence. Smallest of all possible

worlds. So in another session we talked about Tiggy, how she’d been a surrogate mum to me and

Willy, how Willy and I had often turned women into surrogate mums. How often they’d eagerly

cast themselves in that role.

Surrogate mums made me feel better, I admitted, and worse, because I felt guilty. What would

Mummy think?

We talked about guilt².

I mentioned Mummy’s experience with therapy, as I understood it. Didn’t help her. Might’ve

made things worse, actually. So many people preyed³ on her, exploited her—including therapists.

We talked about Mummy’s parenting, how she could sometimes over-mother, then disappear

for stretches. It seemed an important discussion, but also disloyal.

More guilt.

We talked about life inside the British bubble, inside the royal bubble. A bubble inside a

bubble — impossible to describe to anyone who hasn’t actually experienced it. People simply

didn’t realize: they heard the word “royal,” or “prince,” and lost all rationality. Ah, a prince—you

have no problems.

They assumed…no, they’d been taught…it was all a fairytale. We weren’t human.

A writer many Britons admired, a writer of thick historical novels that racked up literary

prizes, had penned an essay about my family, in which she said we were simply…pandas.

Our current royal family doesn’t have the difficulties in breeding that pandas do, but pandas

and royal persons alike are expensive to conserve⁴ and ill-adapted to any modern environment. But

aren’t they interesting? Aren’t they nice to look at?

I’ll never forget the highly respected essayist who wrote in Britain’s most highly respected

literary publication that my mother’s “early death spared us all a lot of tedium⁵.” (He referred in the

same essay to “Diana’s tryst⁶ with the underpass.”) But this panda crack always struck me as both

acutely perceptive⁷ and uniquely barbarous. We did live in a zoo, but by the same token I knew, as

a soldier, that turning people into animals, into non-people, is the first step in mistreating them, in

destroying them. If even a celebrated⁸ intellectual could dismiss us as animals, what hope for the

man or woman on the street?

I gave the therapist an overview⁹ of how this dehumanization had played out in the first half of

my life. But now, with the dehumanizing of Meg, there was so much more hate, more vitriol—

plus racism¹⁰. I told her what I’d seen, heard, witnessed, over the last few months. At one point I sat

up on the couch, crooked¹¹ my neck to see if she was listening. Her mouth was hanging open. A

lifelong resident of Britain, she’d thought she knew.

She didn’t know.

At the end of the session I asked her professional opinion:

Is what I’m feeling…normal?

She laughed. What’s normal anyway?

But she conceded that one thing was abundantly clear: I found myself in highly unusual

circumstances.

Do you think I have an addictive¹³ personality?

More accurately¹⁴, what I wanted to know was, if I did have an addictive personality, where

would I be right now?

Hard to say. Hypotheticals, you know.

She asked if I’d used drugs.

Yes.

I told her some wild stories.

Well, I am rather surprised you’re not a drug addict¹².

If there was one thing to which I did seem undeniably addicted¹⁵, however, it was the press.

Reading it, raging at it, she said, these were obvious compulsions.

I laughed. True. But they’re such shit.

She laughed. They are.

1 astounding   

adj.使人震惊的vt.使震惊，使大吃一惊astound的现在分词)

参考例句：

• There was an astounding 20% increase in sales. 销售量惊人地增加了20%。
• The Chairman's remarks were so astounding that the audience listened to him with bated breath. 主席说的话令人吃惊，所以听众都屏息听他说。 来自《简明英汉词典》

2 guilt   

n.犯罪；内疚；过失，罪责

参考例句：

• She tried to cover up her guilt by lying.她企图用谎言掩饰自己的罪行。
• Don't lay a guilt trip on your child about schoolwork.别因为功课责备孩子而使他觉得很内疚。

3 preyed   

v.掠食( prey的过去式和过去分词 )；掠食；折磨；（人）靠欺诈为生

参考例句：

• Remorse preyed upon his mind. 悔恨使他内心痛苦。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
• He had been unwise and it preyed on his conscience. 他做得不太明智，这一直让他良心不安。 来自辞典例句

4 conserve   

vt.保存，保护，节约，节省，守恒，不灭

参考例句：

• He writes on both sides of the sheet to conserve paper.他在纸张的两面都写字以节省用纸。
• Conserve your energy,you'll need it!保存你的精力，你会用得着的！

5 tedium   

n.单调；烦闷

参考例句：

• We played games to relieve the tedium of the journey.我们玩游戏，来解除旅行的沉闷。
• In myself I could observe the following sources of tedium. 从我自己身上，我所观察到的烦闷的根源有下列一些。

6 tryst   

n.约会；v.与…幽会

参考例句：

• It has been said that art is a tryst,for in the joy of it maker and beholder meet.有人说艺术是一种幽会，因为艺术家和欣赏者可在幽会的乐趣中相遇在一起。
• Poor Mr. Sanford didn't stand a chance of keeping his tryst secret.可怜的桑福德根本不可能会守住自己幽会的秘密。

7 perceptive   

adj.知觉的，有洞察力的，感知的

参考例句：

• This is a very perceptive assessment of the situation.这是一个对该情况的极富洞察力的评价。
• He is very perceptive and nothing can be hidden from him.他耳聪目明，什么事都很难瞒住他。

8 celebrated   

adj.有名的，声誉卓著的

参考例句：

• He was soon one of the most celebrated young painters in England.不久他就成了英格兰最负盛名的年轻画家之一。
• The celebrated violinist was mobbed by the audience.观众团团围住了这位著名的小提琴演奏家。

9 overview   

n.概观，概述

参考例句：

• The opening chapter gives a brief historical overview of transport.第一章是运输史的简要回顾。
• The seminar aims to provide an overview on new media publishing.研讨会旨在综览新兴的媒体出版。

10 racism   

n.民族主义；种族歧视(意识)

参考例句：

• He said that racism is endemic in this country.他说种族主义在该国很普遍。
• Racism causes political instability and violence.种族主义道致政治动荡和暴力事件。

11 crooked   

adj.弯曲的；不诚实的，狡猾的，不正当的

参考例句：

• He crooked a finger to tell us to go over to him.他弯了弯手指，示意我们到他那儿去。
• You have to drive slowly on these crooked country roads.在这些弯弯曲曲的乡间小路上你得慢慢开车。

12 addict   

v.使沉溺；使上瘾；n.沉溺于不良嗜好的人

参考例句：

• He became gambling addict,and lost all his possessions.他习染上了赌博，最终输掉了全部家产。
• He assisted a drug addict to escape from drug but failed firstly.一开始他帮助一个吸毒者戒毒但失败了。

13 addictive   

adj.(吸毒等)使成瘾的，成为习惯的

参考例句：

• The problem with video game is that they're addictive.电子游戏机的问题在于它们会使人上瘾。
• Cigarettes are highly addictive.香烟很容易使人上瘾。

14 accurately   

adv.准确地，精确地

参考例句：

• It is hard to hit the ball accurately.准确地击中球很难。
• Now scientists can forecast the weather accurately.现在科学家们能准确地预报天气。

15 addicted   

adj.沉溺于....的，对...上瘾的

参考例句：

• He was addicted to heroin at the age of 17.他17岁的时候对海洛因上了瘾。
• She's become addicted to love stories.她迷上了爱情小说。