伍迪单口相声精选 第18期:我的婚姻My Marriage

 　　I wanted to discuss my marriage, 'cause that's important. My marriage, or as it was known, "The Oxbow Incident".

　　我想谈论一下我的婚姻，因为那很重要。我的婚姻，正如人们所知的那样，是个“牛轭事件” 【1】。

　　I had a rough marriage. Well, my wife was an immature¹ woman and, ah, That's all I can say, she...See if this is not immature to you.

　　我的婚姻很不平静。我妻子是个很不成熟的女人，我就是这么认为的，你们看一下这是不是很不成熟。

　　I would be home in the bathroom, taking a bath, and my wife would walk right in, whenever she felt like, and sink my boats.

　　我在家里的卫生间里正在洗澡，我妻子只要心血来潮就会闯进来，把我在玩的船只弄沉。

　　It was partially² my fault that we got divorced, I had a lousy attitude toward her.

　　我们离婚部分是我的错，我对她的态度很恶劣。

　　The first year of marriage I had a bad...basically a bad attitude toward her, I guess.

　　结婚的第一年，我的脾气……基本上以很坏的脾气对待她，我想是的。

　　I tended to place my wife underneath³ a pedestal all the time.

　　我甚至老是在想将我妻子压到某个基座底下去。

　　We used to argue and fight, we finally decided⁴, we either take a vacation on Bermuda or get a divorce, one of the two things, and we discussed it very maturely, and we decided on the divorce, 'cause we felt we had a limited amount of money to spend, y'know.

　　我们经常争论和吵架，最后我们终于决定，要么我们去百慕大群岛度假，要么就离婚，两者择其一。我们心平气和地商量完，我们决定去离婚，因为我们觉得我们的钱已经所剩无几。

　　A vacation in Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something that you'd always have.

　　去百慕大度假两周一过就结束了，而离婚这件事你可以一辈子离个没完。

　　And I saw myself free again, living in the Village, y'know, in a batchelor apartment with a wood burning fireplace and a shaggy rug, y'know, and on the walls one of those great Picassos by Van Gogh, and just great swinging...Airline hostesses running amok in the apartment, y'know.

　　我发现自己又重获自由，我住在格林尼治村，一间单身公寓里，里面有燃烧木料的壁炉和粗糙的地毯，墙上挂着的是梵高画的众多的毕加索伟大画像中的一幅。我享受着放浪形骸的生活??和空姐们在屋子里胡作非为。

　　And I got very excited, and I ran into my wife, she was in the next room at the time, listening to Conelrad on the radio, y'know.

　　我兴奋异常，跑进我妻子的房间，她那时就住在我隔壁，正在收听“电磁波辐射控制”电台【2】。

　　I laid it right on the line with her, I came right to the point, I said "Quasimodo, I want a divorce".

　　我开门见山、直接了当地对她说：“卡西莫多【3】，我要离婚。”

　　And she said "Great, get the divorce", but it turns out, in New York state, they have a strange law that says you can't get a divorce unless you can prove adultery, and it's weird⁵, because the ten commandments say "Thou shalt not commit adultery", but New York state says you have to.

　　她说：“好啊，离婚就离婚。”可是事与愿违，在纽约州，有一条奇怪的法律：除非你能证明存在通奸行为，否则不予离婚。这真的很怪异，因为“十戒”里说：“汝等不许行邪淫。”可纽约州却说你不做不行。

　　Well, finally, what happened was, my wife committed adultery for me.

　　好吧，最终发生的事是：我妻子为了我行了邪淫。

　　She's always been more mechanically inclined than I have.

　　她总是比我更加容易机械地受到影响。

　　【1】《牛轭事件》，1940年出版的西部小说，故事讲的是美国西部一个小镇上的人们，动用私刑处死了三个被怀疑是偷牛贼的无辜者。

　　【2】冷战时期美国政府为了对付前苏联的进攻轰炸而设立的应急广播系统。

　　【3】《巴黎圣母院》中的钟楼怪人。

1 immature   

adj.未成熟的，发育未全的，未充分发展的

参考例句：

• Tony seemed very shallow and immature.托尼看起来好像很肤浅，不夠成熟。
• The birds were in immature plumage.这些鸟儿羽翅未全。

2 partially   

adv.部分地，从某些方面讲

参考例句：

• The door was partially concealed by the drapes.门有一部分被门帘遮住了。
• The police managed to restore calm and the curfew was partially lifted.警方设法恢复了平静，宵禁部分解除。

3 underneath   

adj.在...下面，在...底下；adv.在下面

参考例句：

• Working underneath the car is always a messy job.在汽车底下工作是件脏活。
• She wore a coat with a dress underneath.她穿着一件大衣，里面套着一条连衣裙。

4 decided   

adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的

参考例句：

• This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
• There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。

5 weird   

adj.古怪的，离奇的；怪诞的，神秘而可怕的

参考例句：

• From his weird behaviour,he seems a bit of an oddity.从他不寻常的行为看来，他好像有点怪。
• His weird clothes really gas me.他的怪衣裳简直笑死人。