英文小幽默（3）

蜗牛买跑车    snail¹ and car

There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided² to get some fast wheels to make up the difference. After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get. So the snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer³ and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted "240-S".

The dealer asks, "Why 'S'?"

The snail replies, "'S' stands for snail. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving."

Well, the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.

The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. And whenever anyone would see him zooming⁴ by, they'd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"

　　曾经有只蜗牛，它对自己动作慢的名声感到了厌恶和疲倦。他决心去弄些跑得飞快的轮子来改变这种境况。逛了一圈之后，它决定买Datson 240-Z。他去了最近的Datsun经销店，去买Datson 240-Z，但是它想把这辆车重新刷漆，改称240-S。

　　经销商问：“为什么是S呢？”

　　蜗牛回答说：“‘s’代表蜗牛。我想让每一个看见我呼啸而过的人知道是谁在开车。”

　　经销商不想失去把汽车卖给蜗牛这样一个机会，所以他同意收取些许费用，把车重新涂漆。

　　蜗牛开着它的新车，把自己的余生都用在了快乐地高速行使在告诉公路上。而不论何时任何人看见它飞驰而过的时候，都会说：“哦！看那S-car 。”

 

对不起，本店不找零钱

A friend and I were standing⁵ in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order. There was a big sign posted. "No bills larger than $20 will be accepted."

The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, "Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn't be eating here."

　　我和一个朋友在快餐店排队订餐，那里很醒目地写着，不接受超过20美元的大钞（请自备零钱）。
　　我们前边的一个女士指着这个牌子对我们说：“上帝保佑，如果我身上有超过20美元的话，我一定不会在这儿吃饭！”

 

酒吧里的猴子  The Monkey

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip⁶ and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint⁷ of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey.

The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies the piano player. The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey stole my beer." The pianist replies "No, but if you hum it, I'll play it."

一男子去酒吧，点了一杯啤酒。他喝了一口放下。当他环视酒吧时，发现一只猴子荡下来，在他阻止之前，偷走了啤酒。

该男子问酒吧招待，这只猴子是谁的。服务员回答说是钢琴手的。男子走到钢琴手面前问：“你知道你的猴子偷了我的啤酒吗？”钢琴手回答说：“没有，但是如果你能哼唱，我会为你演奏的。”

 

时间就是金钱       Time/Money

　　As the taxi came to a screeching⁸ halt at a traffic light, I asked the driver, "Do you agree that 'Time is money'?"
     "Well, it's a very common saying. Who will care so much about that?" the driver answered.
     "Look, the digits⁹ in the meter are still running when the car has stopped, "I pointed¹⁰ at the meter.
     "Oh, yes. You've got a point here. In this case, time is money for both of us." added the driver.

　　出租车看因红灯急停刹车，我问司机，“你同意“时间就是金钱”这一说法吗？”
　　“嗯，这是人们常说的一句话，但是谁会把它当真呢？”司机答到。
　　“看，车停的时候计价器依然再走，”我指着计价器。
　　“是呀，你找到了一个好的论据。从现在这种情况看，时间对我们两个来说都是金钱。”司机答到。

1 snail   

n.蜗牛

参考例句：

• Snail is a small plant-eating creature with a soft body.蜗牛是一种软体草食动物。
• Time moved at a snail's pace before the holidays.放假前的时间过得很慢。

2 decided   

adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的

参考例句：

• This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
• There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。

3 dealer   

n.商人，贩子

参考例句：

• The dealer spent hours bargaining for the painting.那个商人为购买那幅画花了几个小时讨价还价。
• The dealer reduced the price for cash down.这家商店对付现金的人减价优惠。

4 zooming   

adj.快速上升的v.（飞机、汽车等）急速移动( zoom的过去分词 )；（价格、费用等）急升，猛涨

参考例句：

• Zooming and panning are navigational tools for exploring 2D and 3D information. 缩放和平移是浏览二维和三维信息的导航工具。 来自About Face 3交互设计精髓
• Panning and zooming, especially when paired together, create navigation difficulties for users. 对于用户来说，平移和缩放一起使用时，产生了更多的导航困难。 来自About Face 3交互设计精髓

5 standing   

n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的

参考例句：

• After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
• They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。

6 sip   

v.小口地喝，抿，呷；n.一小口的量

参考例句：

• She took a sip of the cocktail.她啜饮一口鸡尾酒。
• Elizabeth took a sip of the hot coffee.伊丽莎白呷了一口热咖啡。

7 pint   

n.品脱

参考例句：

• I'll have a pint of beer and a packet of crisps, please.我要一品脱啤酒和一袋炸马铃薯片。
• In the old days you could get a pint of beer for a shilling.从前，花一先令就可以买到一品脱啤酒。

8 screeching   

v.发出尖叫声( screech的现在分词 )；发出粗而刺耳的声音；高叫

参考例句：

• Monkeys were screeching in the trees. 猴子在树上吱吱地叫着。
• the unedifying sight of the two party leaders screeching at each other 两党党魁狺狺对吠的讨厌情景

9 digits   

n.数字( digit的名词复数 )；手指，足趾

参考例句：

• The number 1000 contains four digits. 1000是四位数。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The number 410 contains three digits. 数字 410 中包括三个数目字。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》

10 pointed   

adj.尖的，直截了当的

参考例句：

• He gave me a very sharp pointed pencil.他给我一支削得非常尖的铅笔。
• She wished to show Mrs.John Dashwood by this pointed invitation to her brother.她想通过对达茨伍德夫人提出直截了当的邀请向她的哥哥表示出来。