生命的意义：拥抱生命的喧嚣

 　　Around the time I turned 40, I went to see a therapist, a man who knew me well. I tended call him once or twice a year on an as-needed basis. I had reached the point of being able to sort through most problems on my own. But life had -- as it occasionally does -- grown suddenly complicated.

　　我40岁生日前后，我去看理疗师，那个医生很了解我。我试图一年按需电话他两三次。我都快可以自己解决所有问题的时候，生活突然变得复杂起来----有时候，生活就是这样。

　　I had been trying with no success to have a second child. My husband and I werecontemplating egg donation and surrogacy. We had made an abrupt¹ move from New York City to rural Connecticut in the wake of 9/11. My mother had recently died. My little boy had been seriously ill, and I was still reeling from a difficult and frightening year. I found myself questioning everything.

　　我一直想要生第二个小孩，但一筹莫展。我丈夫和我开始考虑捐献卵子和代孕。911事件后，我们匆匆从纽约搬到康涅狄格州的乡村。那时，我母亲刚过世不久，我儿子还小，却病入膏肓，那年我过得痛苦不堪、心惊胆战，一直缓不过来。我觉得我质疑周遭的一切。

　　生命的意义：拥抱生命的喧嚣

　　I went through a box of tissues during that hour with my occasional therapist, and as he walked me to the door at the end of the session, I turned to him and asked urgently: does any of this make sense?

　　和理疗师面对面的那一小时，我抽完了一整盒纸巾，问诊结束，医师陪我走到门口，我转向他焦急地问道：这一切都有意义吗？

　　Everything about you makes sense, he said.

　　你所有的一切都有意义，他说道。

　　I found these words enormously comforting. I so badly wanted the narrative² of my life to make sense. Two brief failed marriages -- one at 18 the other at 28? Makes sense. My uneasy relationship to faith and doubt, having been raised in a strict, religious home? Makes sense. The emptiness I continued to feel at the early loss of my father? Makes sense. My impossibly fraught³ relationship with my mother? Sense. My fear and guilt⁴ at the increasing odds⁵ that my son would be an only child just like I had been? Sense.

　　他的话极度安慰我心。我多渴望我生活的一切都有意义。两段婚姻转瞬即逝，一次18岁的时候，还有一次是28岁，都有意义？有。我成长于一个严苛又虔诚的家庭，信仰与疑惑，让我惴惴不安，这也有意义？有。早年父亲过世，我的空虚无助，有意义吗？有。我与我母亲关系紧张得不可想象、令人心焦，有意义吗？有。我儿子越来越有可能和我一样是独生子女，我担惊受怕、愧疚难捱，这有意义吗？有。

　　Our lives grow so complex, so unwieldy, so difficult to explain as we get older. Haven't we all had the experience of making a new friend in our 30s, 40s or 50s and wondering how in the world we can possibly explain ourselves? Our heartaches and our joys, our failures, losses, accomplishments⁶, regrets? Who we've loved? Who we've wounded? What we'd do over -- if we possibly could -- if given the chance? As the trajectory⁷ of our lives stretches out from childhood well into adulthood⁸, the arc is rarely smooth or clear.

　　我们的生命如此复杂、难以驾驭、越年长越无以解释。我们都有这样的经历，三十几、四十几和五十多岁的时候结交新朋友；也曾困惑在这世上，我们何以向自己解释我们的心病和我们的喜悦，我们的失败、沮丧、成功和懊悔？我们爱过谁，又伤害了谁？若可能、如有机会，我们会选择什么重新来过？我们的人生轨迹，从童年一路延伸到成年，轨迹鲜有平滑和清晰的时候。

　　My husband, a screenwriter, is often asked to adapt biographies for film, and the struggle, he often says, is that lives have first acts, but they don't have third acts (until they're over) and second acts are just one damned thing after another. So how to understand the narratives⁹ of our lives? How to trust that everything about us makes sense?

　　我丈夫是电影剧本作家，常常应要求把传记改编成电影。此中困苦，如其所言，生命有第一幕，但没有第三幕（除非剧目结束），而第二幕总是恼人的事情接二连三地发生。所以，又怎能真正理解我们生命的历程？又何以相信我们生命的一切都有意义？

　　Lately I've been wondering if perhaps the answer to this is not to even attempt to smooth things out. Sure, there are the fortunate few from whom the journey has thus far been smooth sailing, but for the vast majority of us, there are fits and starts, hiccups¹⁰, confusion, mistakes, wrong turns, U-turns, graceless moments. Life's road is nothing if not strewn with pebbles¹¹, potholes¹², unexpected surprises, both happy and not-so-happy ones.

　　最近，我一直在想，也许这一问题的答案就是，不要试图去解决一切事情。诚然，少数幸运儿的人生迄今一帆风顺，但我们对大多数人而言，生命里会有断断续续、会有中断的时候、会有困惑、错误、会拐错弯、掉错头，还有颜面尽失的时候。若非有小石子儿、坑坑洼洼在，若非有意外与你不期而遇，或惊喜或惊愕，生命之路会一文不值。

　　As one of my dearest friends, the Buddhist¹³ teacher Sylvia Boorstein says, "We are always accommodating to a new situation." That ever-changing new situation is, in fact, what makes up the shape of our lives. And that shape assumes its own kind of integrity, over time. This is how it is, how it has been. The truth of who we are is all we have to offer each other. And so often we want to edit it, to hide it, to cut and paste the story so that it will read like something intentional¹⁴, something that we all meant to do all along.

　　正如我最亲密的一位朋友、禅学教师西薇雅?布尔斯坦所言，“我们总是在适应新环境。”不断变化的新环境，事实上成就了我们生命的形态。而那一形态，经久历时，呈现出其特有的完整性。这就是生命的样貌、生命缘何如此。我们真真正正是谁，也就是我们要相互展现的。太多次，我们想要修改、想要隐藏、想剪切复制事实情况，好像听起来有意，是我们一直刻意追求的那样。

　　And so it seems that the answer may well be to embrace the complexity¹⁵ of our lives. A beautiful piece of Buddhist wisdom known as "The Eight Vicissitudes¹⁶" goes like this: pain and pleasure, praise and blame, fame and disrepute, gain and loss. All lives contain all of these. Not at once, not in order, not in equal amounts -- but nonetheless, all lives contain all of these. I find great solace¹⁷ in this. We are all here, trying our best, muddling¹⁸ through. We make choices, we re-group, we deepen. We learn from each other. We all make sense.

　　所以，似乎答案很有可能就是，去迎接生命的复杂性。禅学智慧有一条很出彩，即“八大人生起伏”，是这么说的：痛苦有享乐、赞誉与责备、美誉与恶名，及得与失。所有生命都包含这几条。不是说来就来，也并非按序经历、平均分配----但不管怎样，所有生命都会经历这一切。这让我大为安慰。我们都在此，以己之能，揣摩前行。我们作选择、我们重整旗鼓、我们深化生命的意义。我们相互学习，我们都活出有意义。

1 abrupt   

adj.突然的，意外的；唐突的，鲁莽的

参考例句：

• The river takes an abrupt bend to the west.这河突然向西转弯。
• His abrupt reply hurt our feelings.他粗鲁的回答伤了我们的感情。

2 narrative   

n.叙述，故事；adj.叙事的，故事体的

参考例句：

• He was a writer of great narrative power.他是一位颇有记述能力的作家。
• Neither author was very strong on narrative.两个作者都不是很善于讲故事。

3 fraught   

adj.充满…的，伴有(危险等)的；忧虑的

参考例句：

• The coming months will be fraught with fateful decisions.未来数月将充满重大的决定。
• There's no need to look so fraught!用不着那么愁眉苦脸的！

4 guilt   

n.犯罪；内疚；过失，罪责

参考例句：

• She tried to cover up her guilt by lying.她企图用谎言掩饰自己的罪行。
• Don't lay a guilt trip on your child about schoolwork.别因为功课责备孩子而使他觉得很内疚。

5 odds   

n.让步，机率，可能性，比率；胜败优劣之别

参考例句：

• The odds are 5 to 1 that she will win.她获胜的机会是五比一。
• Do you know the odds of winning the lottery once?你知道赢得一次彩票的几率多大吗？

6 accomplishments   

n.造诣；完成( accomplishment的名词复数 )；技能；成绩；成就

参考例句：

• It was one of the President's greatest accomplishments. 那是总统最伟大的成就之一。
• Among her accomplishments were sewing,cooking,playing the piano and dancing. 她的才能包括缝纫、烹调、弹钢琴和跳舞。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》

7 trajectory   

n.弹道，轨道

参考例句：

• It is not difficult to sketch the subsequent trajectory.很容易描绘出它们最终的轨迹。
• The path followed by a projectile is called its trajectory.抛物体所循的路径称为它的轨道。

8 adulthood   

n.成年，成人期

参考例句：

• Some infantile actions survive into adulthood.某些婴儿期的行为一直保持到成年期。
• Few people nowadays are able to maintain friendships into adulthood.如今很少有人能将友谊维持到成年。

9 narratives   

记叙文( narrative的名词复数 )； 故事； 叙述； 叙述部分

参考例句：

• Marriage, which has been the bourne of so many narratives, is still a great beginning. 结婚一向是许多小说的终点，然而也是一个伟大的开始。
• This is one of the narratives that children are fond of. 这是孩子们喜欢的故事之一。

10 hiccups   

n.嗝( hiccup的名词复数 )；连续地打嗝；暂时性的小问题；短暂的停顿v.嗝( hiccup的第三人称单数 )；连续地打嗝；暂时性的小问题；短暂的停顿

参考例句：

• I cannot find a rhyme to "hiccups". 我不能找到和hiccups同韵的词。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Can we rhyme 'hiccups'with 'pick-ups'? 我们能把‘hiccups’同‘pick－ups’放在一起押韵吗？ 来自辞典例句

11 pebbles   

[复数]鹅卵石； 沙砾； 卵石，小圆石( pebble的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• The pebbles of the drive crunched under his feet. 汽车道上的小石子在他脚底下喀嚓作响。
• Line the pots with pebbles to ensure good drainage. 在罐子里铺一层鹅卵石，以确保排水良好。

12 potholes   

n.壶穴( pothole的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Potholes are also home to tiny desert animals. 洞穴也是弱小动物的家。 来自互联网
• If you're going to enjoy the good times, you've certainly got to deal with some potholes. 如果要享受甜美的胜利果实，当然要应付这些战绩不佳的指责压力。 来自互联网

13 Buddhist   

adj./n.佛教的，佛教徒

参考例句：

• The old lady fell down in adoration before Buddhist images.那老太太在佛像面前顶礼膜拜。
• In the eye of the Buddhist,every worldly affair is vain.在佛教徒的眼里，人世上一切事情都是空的。

14 intentional   

adj.故意的，有意（识）的

参考例句：

• Let me assure you that it was not intentional.我向你保证那不是故意的。
• His insult was intentional.他的侮辱是有意的。

15 complexity   

n.复杂(性)，复杂的事物

参考例句：

• Only now did he understand the full complexity of the problem.直到现在他才明白这一问题的全部复杂性。
• The complexity of the road map puzzled me.错综复杂的公路图把我搞糊涂了。

16 vicissitudes   

n.变迁，世事变化；变迁兴衰( vicissitude的名词复数 )；盛衰兴废

参考例句：

• He experienced several great social vicissitudes in his life. 他一生中经历了几次大的社会变迁。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• A man used to vicissitudes is not easily dejected. 饱经沧桑，不易沮丧。 来自《简明英汉词典》

17 solace   

n.安慰；v.使快乐；vt.安慰(物)，缓和

参考例句：

• They sought solace in religion from the harshness of their everyday lives.他们日常生活很艰难，就在宗教中寻求安慰。
• His acting career took a nosedive and he turned to drink for solace.演艺事业突然一落千丈，他便借酒浇愁。

18 muddling   

v.弄乱，弄糟( muddle的现在分词 )；使糊涂；对付，混日子

参考例句：

• Don't do that—you're muddling my papers. 别动—你会弄乱我的文件的。
• In our company you see nobody muddling along. 在咱们公司，看不到混日子的人。 来自《简明英汉词典》