别人的生活没你想的那么美好！

 We've all heard the quote, 'Be Kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.'

我们都听过这句话：“要善良，因为你遇到的每个人都在经历某种痛苦。”

My husband and son died within two years of each other. From my personal experience, I believe that if we aren't careful, grief can become a rather self-involved process in which we can become so focused on our own suffering that we miss the opportunity to connect with, and possibly bring comfort to, someone else who may be going through a similar experience.

我的丈夫和儿子两年内相继去世，从我个人经验来看，我相信我们一不小心就会被伤痛左右，以自己为中心，我们会变得过于关注自己的痛苦，以至于错失和正经历相似痛苦的人接触，甚至有可能给予他们安慰的机会。

Six months after my husband died, I was sinking in the quicksand of grief. I could not pull myself out of the misery¹.

我丈夫去世后六个月，我陷入悲痛不能自拔，无法走出不幸的阴影。

别人的生活没你想的那么美好！

In that moment, I actually believed that my life was more difficult than anyone else around me. Life handed me a perfectly² wrapped lesson that opened my eyes to the fact that through my suffering I had allowed myself to become blinded by my self-pity.

那时，我真的认为自己的生活要比身边任何人都不容易。生活给我上了完美的一课，通过这次不幸我认清了一个事实：顾影自怜使我看不到别人，只看到自己。

The lesson presented itself in a health crisis. I had complications from a surgical³ procedure and ended up being hospitalized for four days. I was in an extreme amount of pain during this time. Between the physical pain and the emotional pain of grief, I was an absolute mess.

我在健康出现问题时吸取了这个教训。我的外科手术导致了并发症，最终住院4天。那段时期我极其痛苦，身体的疼痛和精神上的伤痛把我夹在中间，我的生活一团糟。

I should also tell you that I am a Registered Nurse. As a nurse, it is hard to be on the receiving end of medicine as the patient.

我也应该告诉你我是一名注册护士。对护士而言，很难接受自己成为病人接受药物治疗。

The first three nights that I was in the hospital, the same nurse took care of me. She was young, maybe in her mid⁴ to late 20s, and she hardly interacted with me at all the first two nights, other than to give my medications as scheduled. She obviously had no idea how much emotional pain I was in. How hard is it to ask your patient how she's feeling? I wrote her off as a bad nurse who had little empathy, and remained absorbed in my own emotional and physical pain.

住院的前三个晚上同一位护士护理我。她很年轻，可能快30岁了。头两个晚上几乎不怎么跟我说话，除了定期来给我送药。很明显她不知道我精神上有多痛苦。问问你的病人感觉怎么样能有多难？我认定他是不合格的缺乏同情心的护士，而且我依然沉浸在自己精神和身体的痛苦中。

The third night the young nurse was a little more talkative. She asked me how I was feeling (finally!). I told her that I was struggling with depression and grief because my husband had died in an airplane accident.

第三天晚上这个年轻的护士开始打开了话匣子，她问我感觉怎样（终于问了！）我告诉她我正挣扎于沮丧和痛苦，因为我丈夫死于一场飞机事故。

She looked at me and told me that her husband had died too, just two months earlier. I was stunned⁵. Speechless. Shocked.

她看着我，跟我说她丈夫就在两个月前刚刚去世。我有点不知所措，说不出话，我被惊到了！

Never, in any of the possibilities that my mind entertained of why this nurse was so stand-offish with me, did I even consider that she might be in the same pain I was. Not only was she grieving as I was, but she was having to take care of me, instead of caring for herself and her family.

我从未想过她对我如此冷淡会因为这个，我甚至都没想过她可能会有同样的痛苦。她不仅和我一样悲痛，而且还要照顾我，而不是照顾自己和家人。

We went on to talk and share our stories about our late husbands and children. I like to think that we helped each other a bit that night.

我们继续讨论分享我们丈夫和孩子的事，我觉着我们那天晚上都给了彼此点帮助。

We had much more in common than I would have believed. We were both widowed single moms with young children, and nurses. But, that was where the similarities ended. Her husband had no insurance policy. She had very little family support. She was working paycheck to paycheck to support her boys. I was humbled⁶. I realized how much I had to be grateful for. And, frankly⁷, I never saw life the same way after this experience.

我们之间的共同点比我想的要多，我们都成了单亲妈妈，孩子都还小，而且都是护士。但也就这些了，她丈夫没有保险，家里经济来源很少，她就靠着一点工资养活家里的男孩儿们。我觉着自愧不如，我想到了自己该有多知足，坦白说，这次经历改变了我对生活的看法。

This experience was a life-changing event for me. I had always prided myself on being an empathetic person, but I realize now that I had not really understood what being empathetic meant.

这次的经历改变了我的生活，之前我总是对自己的同情心引以为傲，但现在我意识到了我根本没理解同情的真谛。

To truly be empathetic, you must be able to see beyond your own pain to be witness to the pain. I never looked at another person in the same way after this experience.

想要具备真正的同情心，你的眼光必须超越你自己的伤痛，以局外人的角度看待自己的痛苦。从那之后我看待别人的眼光也不一样了。

The cashier checking me out at the grocery store who seemed rude and in a hurry? Who knows what was going on in his day, week, life? Maybe he recently lost a spouse⁸ or a child. Maybe he has experienced compounded losses. I had no way of knowing what this man was going through. Who was I to judge him?

杂货店的收银员结账的时候有点粗鲁，好像还很着急？谁知道他今天，或者这周，或者这一生发生了什么呢？可能他最近失去了爱人或孩子，可能他蒙受了很多损失，我无法知晓他经历了什么。我是谁呀，怎么能去评判他呢？

I thank death for very few things. The gift of empathy for my fellow man, and understanding that we all suffer in ways that aren't always visible, are presents from death that I will always be grateful for.

有些事情我要感谢死亡，它教会了我同情身边人，使我知道了我们都经受着某种痛苦，而有些是别人看不到的。这些都是死亡馈赠给我的，我会永远心存感激。

Always take the time to be kind. Even when you're suffering with your own pain. And don't assume that someone else has it easier than you. You never know the battles someone else is fighting.

你一定要花时间去践行善良，甚至在你自己也遭受了痛苦的时候也要如此。不要假定别人比你的生活更容易，你永远不会知道别人正在挣扎着什么。

1 misery   

n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦

参考例句：

• Business depression usually causes misery among the working class.商业不景气常使工薪阶层受苦。
• He has rescued me from the mire of misery.他把我从苦海里救了出来。

2 perfectly   

adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地

参考例句：

• The witnesses were each perfectly certain of what they said.证人们个个对自己所说的话十分肯定。
• Everything that we're doing is all perfectly above board.我们做的每件事情都是光明正大的。

3 surgical   

adj.外科的，外科医生的，手术上的

参考例句：

• He performs the surgical operations at the Red Cross Hospital.他在红十字会医院做外科手术。
• All surgical instruments must be sterilised before use.所有的外科手术器械在使用之前，必须消毒。

4 mid   

adj.中央的，中间的

参考例句：

• Our mid-term exam is pending.我们就要期中考试了。
• He switched over to teaching in mid-career.他在而立之年转入教学工作。

5 stunned   

adj. 震惊的，惊讶的 动词stun的过去式和过去分词

参考例句：

• The fall stunned me for a moment. 那一下摔得我昏迷了片刻。
• The leaders of the Kopper Company were then stunned speechless. 科伯公司的领导们当时被惊得目瞪口呆。

6 humbled   

adj. 卑下的，谦逊的，粗陋的 vt. 使 ... 卑下，贬低

参考例句：

• The examination results humbled him. 考试成绩挫了他的傲气。
• I am sure millions of viewers were humbled by this story. 我相信数百万观众看了这个故事后都会感到自己的渺小。

7 frankly   

adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说

参考例句：

• To speak frankly, I don't like the idea at all.老实说，我一点也不赞成这个主意。
• Frankly speaking, I'm not opposed to reform.坦率地说，我不反对改革。

8 spouse   

n.配偶(指夫或妻)

参考例句：

• Her spouse will come to see her on Sunday.她的丈夫星期天要来看她。
• What is the best way to keep your spouse happy in the marriage?在婚姻中保持配偶幸福的最好方法是什么？