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英语笑话听力+文本：from America 它们是从美国带来的
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the mon
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英语笑话听力+文本：Mommy is hitting the bottle
A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the bottle. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year-old daughter to answer the phone. The child said, Mommy can't come to the phone right now. She's hitting the bottle. 一个
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英语笑话听力+文本：The best answer 最佳答案
A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out? The winning reply was: The one nearest the exit. 一份报纸组织了一场
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英语笑话听力+文本：MOSES & JESUS 摩西和耶稣
A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice JESUS is watching you. He looks around with his flashlight wandering What The HELL Was That?. He spots some $ on a table and takes it......Once aga
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英语笑话听力+文本：I Lost 我输了
It was at a five oclock tea． A young man came to the hostess to apologize for his lateness． So good of you to come， Mr．Jones，and where is your brother？ You see we're very busy in the office and only one of us could come，so we tossed up
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英语笑话听力+文本：Skinny Dipping 裸泳
One day Jimmy went down to the pond for a dip, but before he could dive in he spied his teacher, Mrs. Smith, emerging from nude bathing. When Mrs. Smith saw Jimmy, she grabbed the nearest object - which happened to be an old wooden box - and held it
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英语笑话听力+文本：The Bait 把诱饵扔回海里
A man and his wife were on a holiday.Theywent for a sail. Unfortunately the wife fell overboard and was drowned. The man asked the pier-master to let him know if her body was found. Two weeks later he received a wire saying: Body recovered yesterday
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英语笑话听力+文本：Chaude and Cold 热与冷
A patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. This is an outrage, he complained. The faucet marked C gave me boiling water. But, Monsieur, C stands for chaude - French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal
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英语笑话听力+文本：Chicken soup 鸡汤
Joe was in the hospital and it was time for lunch. He looks at his lunch and says, I don't like chicken soup, bring something else. The hospital worker said, It's good for you, the doctor said you should have it. Regardless, the patient refused to ea
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英语笑话听力+文本：Free advice? 免费的建议?
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, What do yo
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英语笑话听力+文本：Reached Shore Fast 快速靠岸
A guy I know was towing his boat home from a fishing trip to Lake Huron when his car broke down. He didn't have his cell phone with him, but he thought maybe he might be able to raise someone on his marine radio to call for roadside assistance. He cl
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英语笑话听力+文本：Very stupid robbers 两个笨贼
Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first robber said, I hear sirens. Jump! The second one said, But we're on the 13 th floor! The first one screamed back, This is no time to be superstitious! 两个盗贼在一家旅馆偷东西。第一个说：我
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英语笑话听力+文本：Who is that woman? 那女人是谁?
The newlyweds entered the elevator of their Miami Beach hotel. The operator, a magnificent blonde, looked at them in surprise and said, Why, hello, Teddy, how are you? When the couple reached their room, the piqued bride demanded: Who was that woman?
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英语笑话听力+文本：How did you start the flood? 你是怎么引起洪水的？
A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met a lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there. The lawyer replied, I'm here because my house burned down, and the insurance company paid for everything. What are you doing here? That's quite a coinciden
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英语笑话听力+文本：Keys to Success 成功的关键
One day a father was teaching his son and said, The keys to your success are keeping your word and cleverness. Once you give somebody a promise, you must carry it out on matter what will happen. This is called 'keeping one's words.' What is clevernes
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