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英语笑话听力+文本：一睡醒你就被炒鱿鱼了
Our co-worker went missing for a few hours, and we tore up the place looking for him. The boss finally found him fast asleep. Rather than wake him, he quietly placed a note on the man's chest. As long as you're asleep, it read, you have a job. But as
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英语笑话听力+文本：Speeding 超速
Traveling salesmen make their living visiting as many customers as possible. So speeding to get from one appointment to the next is not unheard-of. Which is how I got pulled over by a highway patrolman. Don't you ever look at the speedometer? the off
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英语笑话听力+文本：Shave head 刮头
Recently, a man walked into my barbershop asking how much for a haircut. Eight dollars, I answered. And for a shave? Five dollars. All right, he said, settling into the barber chair. Shave my head. 前些日子，有一男的来到我的理发店，问
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英语笑话听力+文本：How could anyone stoop so low?
Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was a much beloved, jovial man. But there was one subject you didn't dare discuss in front of him -- his height. Or, should I say, his lack of it. One day, he stormed through the door and announced angrily
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英语笑话听力+文本：I'm sure it is fresh 我保证它很新鲜
A new restaurant opened in our town, so my husband, Walter, and I decided to try it. As the waitress took our order, Walter asked if the coffee was fresh. I'm sure it is, answered the waitress. We've only been open two weeks. 镇上开了家新餐馆，
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英语笑话听力+文本：An absent-minded professor 健忘教授
No doubt about it, my fellow monk, Father Martin, was a bit of an absent-minded professor. He often filled in for sick priests at other parishes, and one Saturday he found himself on a train to a new destination, frantically searching his pockets for
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英语笑话听力+文本：When a Tiger comes老虎来了
Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them. One of the guys takes out a pair of Nikes from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, Do y
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英语笑话听力+文本：Six or Twelve?六还是十二?
A blonde went into a pizza parlor. When she said that shed like a medium pizza, the clerk asked her how many pieces shed like to have it cut into: six or twelve. Oh, goodness, six please, said the blonde. I dont think I could ever eat twelve. 一位金
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英语笑话听力+文本：Blind Date相亲
After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.When he returned to the table, he lowered his eye
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英语笑话听力+文本：Pink Suit Sale 粉红西装卖出去了
When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him. Guess what, sir? the clerk said. I finally sold that terrible, ugly su
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英语笑话听力+文本：No Problem 没问题
A bald man took a seat in a beauty shop. How can I help you? asked the stylist. I went for a hair transplant, the guy explained, but I couldn't stand the pain. If you can make my hair look like yours without causing me any discomfort, I'll pay you $5
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英语笑话听力+文本：Five Hundred Times 五百遍
In the traffic court of a large mid-western city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of
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英语笑话听力+文本：Your horse called 马打电话
A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan. He asks, What was that for? She says, I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it. He says, Jeez, honey,
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英语笑话听力+文本：Life after death 死后重生
Do you believe in life after death? the boss asked one of his employees. Yes, Sir. the new recruit replied.Well, then, that makes everything just fine, the boss went on. After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped
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英语笑话听力+文本：It worked 真的有效
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor, the doctor gave him a pill and told him to take it
