《柯南脱口秀》第15期:跟喜欢的人约会

 I'm trying to understand how life works and I've learned this 我想搞明白生活是怎么回事 我学到了这个

you have to date people that you really like. 你得跟你喜欢的人约会

You can't just be physical because if it is,it's doomed¹. 不能只是为了性 因为如果是那样的话 那就完蛋了

because men are bipolar when it comes to sex. 因为涉及到性爱时 男人是双极的

Pre and post sex we are two different people. 性爱前和性爱后 我们是两个不同的人

Pre sex,very enthusiastic.Yes,I agree with that.Ha,ha,ha,that's so funny. 性爱前 很感兴趣 对 我同意 哈哈哈 太搞笑了

Just the lie,the deception². 谎言 欺骗

I hear myself talking to women.I'm like shut up! 我听见我自己跟女人谈话 我都想说 闭嘴吧

And it's all for what?Just to get laid. 这都是为了啥啊 就为了滚床单

But the second that you climax,you're like what have I done? 但是 你高潮的那一秒 你想着 我做了什么啊

It's like a murder.There's a naked body here.How do I get rid of it? 那就跟谋杀一样 这里有一具裸体 我该怎么处理掉它

I have left my own apartment after sex.Do you kown how uncomfortable that is? 做完爱后我离开过自己的公寓 你知道那有多么不舒服吗

They're looking at you going where are you going? 她们看着你说 你要去哪里啊

I just,I can't.Just do whatever you need. 我只是 我做不到 你想做什么都行

Something happens to men during orgasm.Something leaves our bodies. 高潮时男人会有变化 有东西离开了我们的身体

I think it's interest, and you can't get that back for roughly an hour. 我觉得是兴趣 大概一小时内 你都找不回兴趣

And yet women are so comfortable afterwards.They're like what do you want to do now? 但女人在性爱后好舒服 他们说 你现在想做什么啊

Anything.Not with you.I'll do anything you like but you can't be there. 什么都行 只要不跟你一起做 我愿意做你喜欢的任何事 但你不能在场

And I really hate that happens to us as men because I adore women. 我真的讨厌 那种事发生在男人身上 因为我喜欢女人

I think they're incredible.Just the fact that they agree to pregnancy³.They're just like yeah,sure. 我觉得她们很了不起 她们居然会同意怀孕 她们说 好吧 没问题

I'll let someone live inside me for nine months.Nine months! 我会让一个人在我体内住九个月 九个月啊

People say to me,can you hold this?I say no.I'm James Smith.Thank you very much. 人们对我说 你能拿着这个吗 我说不行 我是詹姆斯·史密斯 非常感谢

 

1 doomed   

命定的

参考例句：

• The court doomed the accused to a long term of imprisonment. 法庭判处被告长期监禁。
• A country ruled by an iron hand is doomed to suffer. 被铁腕人物统治的国家定会遭受不幸的。

2 deception   

n.欺骗，欺诈；骗局，诡计

参考例句：

• He admitted conspiring to obtain property by deception.他承认曾与人合谋骗取财产。
• He was jailed for two years for fraud and deception.他因为诈骗和欺诈入狱服刑两年。

3 pregnancy   

n.怀孕，怀孕期

参考例句：

• Early pregnancy is often accompanied by nausea.怀孕早期常有恶心的现象。
• Smoking during pregnancy increases the risk of miscarriage.怀孕期吸烟会增加流产的危险。