2-40

 

40.

Soon after we returned to Britain the Palace announced that Willy was going to marry.

November 2010.

News to me. All that time together in Lesotho, he’d never mentioned it.

The papers published florid stories about the moment I realized Willy and Kate were wellmatched, the moment I appreciated the depth of their love and thus decided¹ to gift Willy the ringI’d inherited from Mummy, the legendary² sapphire³, a tender moment between brothers, a bondingmoment for all three of us, and absolute rubbish: none of it ever happened. I never gave Willy thatring because it wasn’t mine to give. He already had it. He’d asked for it after Mummy died, andI’d been more than happy to let it go.

Now, as Willy focused on wedding preparations, I wished him well and turned sharply inward.

I thought long and hard about my singlehood. I’d always assumed I’d be the first to be married,because I’d wanted it so badly. I’d always assumed that I’d be a young husband, a young father,because I’d resolved not to become my father. He’d been an older dad, and I’d always felt that thiscreated problems, placed barriers between us. In his middle years he’d become more sedentary,more habitual⁴. He liked his routines. He wasn’t the kind of father who played endless rounds oftag, or tossed a ball until long after dark. He’d been so once. He’d chased us all overSandringham, making up wonderful games, like the one where he wrapped us in blankets, like hotdogs, until we screamed with helpless laughter, and then yanked the blanket and shot us out of theother end. I don’t know if Willy or I have ever laughed harder. But, long before we were ready, hestopped engaging in that kind of physical fun. He just didn’t have the enthusiasm—the puff⁵.

But I would, I always promised myself. I would.

Now I wondered: Will I?

Was that the real me who made that promise to become a young father? Or was this the realme, struggling to find the right person, the right partner, while also struggling to work out who Iwas?

Why is this thing, which I supposedly want so badly, not happening?

And what if it never happens? What will my life mean? What will my ultimate purpose be?

War, I reckoned. When all else failed, as it usually did, I still had soldiering. (If only I had adeployment date.)

And after the wars, I thought, there will always be charitable work. Since the Lesotho trip, I’dfelt more passionate⁶ than ever about continuing Mummy’s causes. And I was determined⁷ to takeup the cause Mike gave me at his kitchen table. That’s enough for a full life, I told myself.

It seemed like serendipity⁸, therefore, like a synthesis of all my thinking, when I heard from agroup of wounded soldiers planning a trek⁹ to the North Pole. They were hoping to raise millionsfor Walking With The Wounded, and also to become the first amputees ever to reach the Poleunsupported. They invited me to join them.

I wanted to say yes. I was dying to say yes. Just one problem. The trek was in early April,dangerously close to Willy’s announced wedding date. I’d have to get there and back with nohitches, or risk missing the ceremony.

But the North Pole wasn’t a place you could ever be sure of getting to and from withouthitches. The North Pole was a place of infinite hitches¹⁰. There were always variables, usuallyrelated to weather. So I was nervous at the prospect¹¹, and the Palace was doubly nervous.

I asked JLP for his advice.

He smiled. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Yes. It is.

You’ve got to go.

But first, he said, there was one other place I needed to go.

In a direct continuation of conversations he and I had begun five years earlier, after my Nazidebacle, he’d organized a trip to Berlin.

And so. December 2010. A bitterly cold day. I put my fingertips to the bullet holes in the city’swalls, the still-fresh scars from Hitler’s insane vow¹³ to fight to the last man. I stood at the formersite of the Berlin Wall, which had also been the site of SS torture chambers¹⁴, and swore I couldhear the echoes of agonized¹⁵ screams on the wind. I met a woman who’d been sent to Auschwitz.

She described her confinement¹⁶, the horrors she saw, heard, smelt¹⁷. Her stories were as difficult tohear as they were vital. But I won’t retell them. They’re not mine to retell.

I’d long understood that the photo of me in a Nazi¹² uniform had been the result of variousfailures—failure of thinking, failure of character. But it had also been a failure of education. Notjust school education, but self-education. I hadn’t known enough about the Nazis¹⁸, hadn’t taughtmyself enough, hadn’t asked enough questions of teachers and families and survivors¹⁹.

I’d resolved to change that.

I couldn’t become the person I hoped to be until I changed that.

 

1 decided   

adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的

参考例句：

• This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
• There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。

2 legendary   

adj.传奇（中）的，闻名遐迩的；n.传奇（文学）

参考例句：

• Legendary stories are passed down from parents to children.传奇故事是由父母传给孩子们的。
• Odysseus was a legendary Greek hero.奥狄修斯是传说中的希腊英雄。

3 sapphire   

n.青玉，蓝宝石；adj.天蓝色的

参考例句：

• Now let us consider crystals such as diamond or sapphire.现在让我们考虑象钻石和蓝宝石这样的晶体。
• He left a sapphire ring to her.他留给她一枚蓝宝石戒指。

4 habitual   

adj.习惯性的；通常的，惯常的

参考例句：

• He is a habitual criminal.他是一个惯犯。
• They are habitual visitors to our house.他们是我家的常客。

5 puff   

n.一口(气)；一阵(风)；v.喷气，喘气

参考例句：

• He took a puff at his cigarette.他吸了一口香烟。
• They tried their best to puff the book they published.他们尽力吹捧他们出版的书。

6 passionate   

adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的

参考例句：

• He is said to be the most passionate man.据说他是最有激情的人。
• He is very passionate about the project.他对那个项目非常热心。

7 determined   

adj.坚定的；有决心的

参考例句：

• I have determined on going to Tibet after graduation.我已决定毕业后去西藏。
• He determined to view the rooms behind the office.他决定查看一下办公室后面的房间。

8 serendipity   

n.偶然发现物品之才能；意外新发现

参考例句：

• "It was serendipity all the way,"he says.用他的话说是“一直都很走运”。
• Some of the best effects in my garden have been the result of serendipity.我园子里最珍贵的几件物品是机缘巧合之下意外所得。

9 trek   

vi.作长途艰辛的旅行；n.长途艰苦的旅行

参考例句：

• We often go pony-trek in the summer.夏季我们经常骑马旅行。
• It took us the whole day to trek across the rocky terrain.我们花了一整天的时间艰难地穿过那片遍布岩石的地带。

10 hitches   

暂时的困难或问题( hitch的名词复数 )； 意外障碍； 急拉； 绳套

参考例句：

• He hitches a lift with a long - distance truck. 他搭上了一辆长途卡车。
• One shoulder hitches upward in a shrug. 她肩膀绷紧，然后耸了耸。

11 prospect   

n.前景，前途；景色，视野

参考例句：

• This state of things holds out a cheerful prospect.事态呈现出可喜的前景。
• The prospect became more evident.前景变得更加明朗了。

12 Nazi   

n.纳粹分子，adj.纳粹党的，纳粹的

参考例句：

• They declare the Nazi regime overthrown and sue for peace.他们宣布纳粹政权已被推翻，并出面求和。
• Nazi closes those war criminals inside their concentration camp.纳粹把那些战犯关在他们的集中营里。

13 vow   

n.誓(言)，誓约；v.起誓，立誓

参考例句：

• My parents are under a vow to go to church every Sunday.我父母许愿，每星期日都去做礼拜。
• I am under a vow to drink no wine.我已立誓戒酒。

14 chambers   

n.房间( chamber的名词复数 )；（议会的）议院；卧室；会议厅

参考例句：

• The body will be removed into one of the cold storage chambers. 尸体将被移到一个冷冻间里。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Mr Chambers's readable book concentrates on the middle passage: the time Ransome spent in Russia. Chambers先生的这本值得一看的书重点在中间：Ransome在俄国的那几年。 来自互联网

15 agonized   

v.使（极度）痛苦，折磨( agonize的过去式和过去分词 )；苦斗；苦苦思索；感到极度痛苦

参考例句：

• All the time they agonized and prayed. 他们一直在忍受痛苦并且祈祷。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
• She agonized herself with the thought of her loss. 她念念不忘自己的损失，深深陷入痛苦之中。 来自辞典例句

16 confinement   

n.幽禁，拘留，监禁；分娩；限制，局限

参考例句：

• He spent eleven years in solitary confinement.他度过了11年的单独监禁。
• The date for my wife's confinement was approaching closer and closer.妻子分娩的日子越来越近了。

17 smelt   

v.熔解，熔炼；n.银白鱼，胡瓜鱼

参考例句：

• Tin is a comparatively easy metal to smelt.锡是比较容易熔化的金属。
• Darby was looking for a way to improve iron when he hit upon the idea of smelting it with coke instead of charcoal.达比一直在寻找改善铁质的方法，他猛然想到可以不用木炭熔炼，而改用焦炭。

18 Nazis   

n.（德国的）纳粹党员( Nazi的名词复数 )；纳粹主义

参考例句：

• The Nazis worked them over with gun butts. 纳粹分子用枪托毒打他们。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The Nazis were responsible for the mass murder of Jews during World War Ⅱ. 纳粹必须为第二次世界大战中对犹太人的大屠杀负责。 来自《简明英汉词典》

19 survivors   

幸存者，残存者，生还者( survivor的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• The survivors were adrift in a lifeboat for six days. 幸存者在救生艇上漂流了六天。
• survivors clinging to a raft 紧紧抓住救生筏的幸存者