3-60

60.

I walked home from the office and found Meg sitting on the stairs.

She was sobbing¹. Uncontrollably.

My love, what’s happened?

I thought for sure we’d lost the baby.

I went to her on my knees. She choked out that she didn’t want to do this anymore.

Do what?

Live.

I didn’t catch her meaning at first. I didn’t understand, maybe didn’t want to understand. My

mind just didn’t want to process the words.

It’s all so painful, she was saying.

What is?

To be hated like this—for what?

What had she done? she asked. She really wanted to know. What sin had she committed to

deserve this kind of treatment?

She just wanted to make the pain stop, she said. Not only for her, for everyone. For me, for her

mother. But she couldn’t make it stop, so she’d decided² to disappear.

Disappear?

Without her, she said, all the press would go away, and then I wouldn’t have to live like this.

Our unborn child would never have to live like this.

It’s so clear, she kept saying, it’s so clear. Just stop breathing. Stop being. This exists because

I exist.

I begged her not to talk like that. I promised her we’d get through it, we’d find a way. In the

meantime, we’d find her the help she needed.

I asked her to be strong, hang on.

Incredibly, while reassuring³ her, and hugging her, I couldn’t entirely⁴ stop thinking like a

fucking royal. We had a Sentebale engagement that night, at the Royal Albert Hall, and I kept

telling myself: We can’t be late. We cannot be late. They’ll skin us alive! And they’ll blame her.

Slowly—too slowly—I realized that tardiness⁵ was the least of our problems.

I said she should skip the engagement, of course. I needed to go, make a quick appearance, but

I’d be home fast.

No, she insisted, she didn’t trust herself to be at home alone for even an hour with such dark

feelings.

So we put on our best kit⁶, and she applied⁷ dark, dark lipstick⁸ to draw attention away from her

bloodshot eyes, and out of the door we went.

The car pulled up outside the Royal Albert Hall, and as we stepped into the blue flashing lights

of the police escort and the whiteout lights of the press’s flashbulbs, Meg reached for my hand.

She gripped it tightly. As we went inside, she gripped it even tighter. I was buoyed⁹ by the

tightness of that grip. She’s hanging on, I thought. Better than letting go.

But when we settled into the royal box, and the lights dimmed, she let go of her emotions. She

couldn’t hold back the tears. She wept silently.

The music struck up, we turned and faced the front. We spent the entire length of the

performance (Cirque du Soleil) squeezing each other’s hands, me promising¹⁰ her in a whisper:

Trust me. I’ll keep you safe.

1 sobbing   

<主方>Ⅰ adj.湿透的

参考例句：

• I heard a child sobbing loudly. 我听见有个孩子在呜呜地哭。
• Her eyes were red with recent sobbing. 她的眼睛因刚哭过而发红。

2 decided   

adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的

参考例句：

• This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
• There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。

3 reassuring   

a.使人消除恐惧和疑虑的，使人放心的

参考例句：

• He gave her a reassuring pat on the shoulder. 他轻拍了一下她的肩膀让她放心。
• With a reassuring pat on her arm, he left. 他鼓励地拍了拍她的手臂就离开了。

4 entirely   

ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地

参考例句：

• The fire was entirely caused by their neglect of duty. 那场火灾完全是由于他们失职而引起的。
• His life was entirely given up to the educational work. 他的一生统统献给了教育工作。

5 tardiness   

n.缓慢；迟延；拖拉

参考例句：

• Her teacher gave her extra homework because of her tardiness. 由于她的迟到，老师给她布置了额外的家庭作业。 来自辞典例句
• Someone said that tardiness is the subtlest form of selflove and conceit. 有人说迟到是自私和自负的最微妙的表现形式。 来自辞典例句

6 kit   

n.用具包，成套工具；随身携带物

参考例句：

• The kit consisted of about twenty cosmetic items.整套工具包括大约20种化妆用品。
• The captain wants to inspect your kit.船长想检查你的行装。

7 applied   

adj.应用的；v.应用，适用

参考例句：

• She plans to take a course in applied linguistics.她打算学习应用语言学课程。
• This cream is best applied to the face at night.这种乳霜最好晚上擦脸用。

8 lipstick   

n.口红，唇膏

参考例句：

• Taking out her lipstick,she began to paint her lips.她拿出口红，开始往嘴唇上抹。
• Lipstick and hair conditioner are cosmetics.口红和护发素都是化妆品。

9 buoyed   

v.使浮起( buoy的过去式和过去分词 )；支持；为…设浮标；振奋…的精神

参考例句：

• Buoyed by their win yesterday the team feel confident of further success. 在昨天胜利的鼓舞下，该队有信心再次获胜。
• His encouragement buoyed her up during that difficult period. 他的鼓励使她在那段困难时期恢复了乐观的情绪。 来自《简明英汉词典》

10 promising   

adj.有希望的，有前途的

参考例句：

• The results of the experiments are very promising.实验的结果充满了希望。
• We're trying to bring along one or two promising young swimmers.我们正设法培养出一两名有前途的年轻游泳选手。