伍迪单口相声精选 第7期:绑架Kidnapped

 　　I was kidnapped once. I was standing¹ in front of my schoolyard, and a black sedan pulls up.

　　我曾经遭到过绑架。当时我正站在校园前面，有一辆黑色的轿车驶过来停到我身旁。

　　And two guys get out, and they say to me, do I wanna go away with them to a land, where everybody is fairies and elves, and I can have all the comic books I want and chocolate and wax lips, you know.

　　从车里下来两个人，他们问我想不想跟他们一起到一个地方去，那里有好多的仙女和精灵，我可以想要什么漫画书就有什么漫画书，还有巧克力和蜡唇【1】。

　　I said "yes", y'know, and I got into the car with them, 'cause I figured, y'know, "What the hell", I was home that weekend from college anyhow, y'know.

　　我说“好的”，于是我就随他们上了车，因为我在想，“管他的，反正也要回家过这个周末，离开大学校园。”。

　　They drive me off, and they sent a ransom² note to my parents.

　　他们开车把我带走，然后给我父母送去了一张赎金条。

　　And my father has bad reading habits, so he gets into bed at night with the ransom note, and he read half of it, y'know, and he got drowsy³ and fell asleep, then he lent it out, y'know.

　　我父亲有一些不好的阅读习惯，到晚上才拿着赎金条上了床，刚读到一半他就困了，然后就睡着了，把这事抛到了脑后。

　　Meanwhile they take me to New Jersey⁴, bound and gagged, and my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped.

　　同时，他们把我带到了新泽西，绑着手、塞着嘴。我父母后来终于发现我被绑架了。

　　They snap into action immediately: they rent out my room.

　　他们立即采取了行动：把我的房间租了出去。

　　The ransom note says for my father to leave a thousand dollars in a hollow tree in New Jersey.

　　赎金条上让我父亲把一千美元放入新泽西的一棵空心的树里。

　　He has no trouble raising the thousand dollars, but he gets a hernia carrying the hollow tree.

　　筹集一千美元没让他遇到什么困难，但是扛棵空心树使他的疝气发作。

　　The FBI surround the house, "Throw the kid out," they say, "give us your guns, and come out with your hands up."

　　联邦调查局的人包围了房子。“把孩子放出来，”他们喊：“把枪扔给我们，举着双手出来。”

　　The kidnappers⁵ say "We'll throw the kid out, but let us keep our guns, and get to our car."

　　绑架者喊：“我们放孩子出去，但我们要留着枪，然后我们要上车。”

　　The FBI says "Throw the kid out, we'll let you get to your car, but give us your guns."

　　联邦探员喊：“把孩子放出来就让你们上车，但是要放下武器。”

　　The kidnappers say "We'll throw the kid out, but let us keep our guns - we don't have to get to our car."

　　绑架者喊：“我们放孩子出去，但是我们要留着武器，我们不一定要上车。”

　　The FBI says "Keep the kid."

　　联邦探员喊：“留着孩子吧。”

　　The FBI decides to lob in teargas, but they don't have teargas, so several of the agents put on the death scene from Camellia.

　　联邦探员决定投催泪瓦斯进去，但是他们没有催泪瓦斯，所以几个探员只能上演《茶花女》里女主人去世的一幕。

　　Tear stricken my abductors give themselves up.

　　遭受泪水涟涟，我的绑架者放弃了抵抗。

　　They are sentenced to fifteen years on a chain gang, and they escape, twelve of then chained together at the ankle, getting by the guards posing as an immense charm bracelet⁶.

　　他们被判处十五年牢役，用铁链拴在一起。后来他们成功出逃，十二名囚徒被拴住脚踝，伪装成一个巨大的魅力手镯骗过了警卫。

　　【1】用石蜡做的糖果，塑成两片大嘴唇的形状，后面有咬片，咬住后就盖住了自己的嘴唇，显得很滑稽，是孩子们喜欢在万圣节玩的游戏。

1 standing   

n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的

参考例句：

• After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
• They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。

2 ransom   

n.赎金，赎身；v.赎回，解救

参考例句：

• We'd better arrange the ransom right away.我们最好马上把索取赎金的事安排好。
• The kidnappers exacted a ransom of 10000 from the family.绑架者向这家人家勒索10000英镑的赎金。

3 drowsy   

adj.昏昏欲睡的，令人发困的

参考例句：

• Exhaust fumes made him drowsy and brought on a headache.废气把他熏得昏昏沉沉，还引起了头疼。
• I feel drowsy after lunch every day.每天午饭后我就想睡觉。

4 jersey   

n.运动衫

参考例句：

• He wears a cotton jersey when he plays football.他穿运动衫踢足球。
• They were dressed alike in blue jersey and knickers.他们穿着一致，都是蓝色的运动衫和灯笼短裤。

5 kidnappers   

n.拐子，绑匪( kidnapper的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• They were freed yesterday by their kidnappers unharmed. 他们昨天被绑架者释放了，没有受到伤害。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The kidnappers had threatened to behead all four unless their jailed comrades were released. 帮匪们曾经威胁说如果印度方面不释放他们的同伙，他们就要将这四名人质全部斩首。 来自《简明英汉词典》

6 bracelet   

n.手镯，臂镯

参考例句：

• The jeweler charges lots of money to set diamonds in a bracelet.珠宝匠要很多钱才肯把钻石镶在手镯上。
• She left her gold bracelet as a pledge.她留下她的金手镯作抵押品。