《柯南脱口秀》第162期:没有退货政策

 There is no return policy¹ at best buy. 百思买没有退货政策

You don't come back with the TV like it's broken.It's broken?Did you put your penis on it? 你不能带着电视回去说 电视坏了 坏了吗 你是不是用老二蹭了

I did.You did.And we can't take it back.That's number one on the list. 是的 是的 我们不能收回 这是第一条要求

I just got back from Montreal,beautiful city. 我刚从蒙特利尔回来 那里很美

I don't konw if you have been there,but they speak France there and I don't speak France. 我不知道你们是否去过 但大家都说法语 我不会说法语

And I was wondering the streets kind of lonely. 我一个人在街上乱走

I was looking for a comanion and I looked in this window and there was a phone number and below it,it said a lover² and I thought,thank you 我想找个伴儿 我往窗户里看去 有个电话号码 下面写着 情人 我想着谢谢

But I don't speak France.It actually said aluaroa which means³ for rent. 但我不说法语 实际上写的是Alouer 是出租的意思

So I had a totally different conversation that I thought I was going to have. 所以我进行的对话 跟我想象中的完全不同

I called,this woman picked up.Bonjour.I said yeah,the lover. 我打了电话 一个女人接了 她说你好 我说 喂 我找情人

And she goes,yeah,Ok,American.It is 1,500.I said ok,that's expensive. 她说 好吧 美国人 要一千五百美金 我说 好吧 这真贵

And then she said,and I must meet you first. 她说 我必须先跟你见面

I said that's not how this goes.I have done this before.We're both rolling the dice⁴ here lady,ok. 我说不是这样的 我之前有过经验 咱俩都冒着风险 女士

And then she said,I must remind youj,no pets. 然后她说 我必须提醒你 不能带宠物

I said lady,for 1,500 dollars,I'm bring a pet.You guys,on Andrew Santino.Happy birthday Dad. 我说 女士 你要价一千五 我必须带宠物 各位 我是安德鲁·桑蒂诺 生日快乐 爸爸

Hey,Andrew,that was great.Really nice job.Thank you very much.Great.Andrew Santino,ladies and gentlemen.That's our show.Good night,everybody. 安德鲁 真棒 真好笑 非常感谢 很棒 安德鲁·桑蒂诺 女生们先生们 节目到此结束 晚安 各位

 

1 policy   

n.政策，方针，保险单

参考例句：

• This policy is very tough.这个政策是很强硬的。
• The country has always pursued a policy of peace.该国一直奉行和平政策。

2 lover   

n.情人，恋人；爱好者

参考例句：

• Every lover sees a thousand graces in the beloved object.情人眼里出西施。
• Mr.Smith was a lover of poetry.史密斯先生是一名诗歌爱好者。

3 means   

n.方法，手段，折中点，物质财富

参考例句：

• That man used artful means to find out secrets.那人使用狡猾的手段获取机密。
• We must get it done by some means or other.我们总得想办法把它干完。

4 dice   

n.骰子；vt.把（食物）切成小方块，冒险

参考例句：

• They were playing dice.他们在玩掷骰子游戏。
• A dice is a cube.骰子是立方体。