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2-47
47. When I got home, the reviews were raves. Id represented the Crown well, according to courtiers. Ireported back to Granny, told her about the tour. Marvelous. Well done, she said. I wanted to celebrate, felt I deserved to celebrate. Also, with war
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2-48
48. The one good thing about Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber was that they made me ready forwar. They filled me with choking rage, always a good precursor for battle. They also made mewant to be anywhere but England. Where are my goddamned orders? Pl
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2-49
49. My mates came to me and reminded me of the Plan. The Plan? You know, Spike. The Plan? Oh, right? The Plan. Wed talked about this before, months earlier. But now I wasnt sure. They gave me the hard sell. Youre going to war. Staring death in the fa
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2-50
50. My Army superiors, like Pa, were nonplussed. They didnt care about me playing billiards in theprivacy of a hotel room, naked or not. My status remained unchanged, they said. All systems go. My fellow soldiers stood up for me too. Men and women in
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2-51
51. There was some talk, after the attack, about pulling me off the battlefield. Again. I couldnt bear to think about that. It was too awful to contemplate. To keep my mind off the possibility, I fell to my work, got into the rhythm of the job. My sc
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2-52
52. I never fully got over how fast the Apache was. Wed usually cruise above a target area at a civilized 70 knots. But often, hurrying to the targetarea, wed open her up, push her all the way to 145. And since we were barely off the ground, itfelt t
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2-53
53. I was the first in my squadron to pull the trigger in anger. I remember the night as well as any in my life. We were in the VHR tent, the red phone rang,we all sprinted to the aircraft. Dave and I raced through preflight checks, I gathered the mi
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2-54
54. One of our drones had been watching the Taliban school its fighters. Despite popular assumptions, the Taliban had good equipment. Nothing like ours, but good,effectivewhen used correctly. So they often needed to bring their soldiers up to speed.
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2-55
55. It can be hard to be precise with Hellfires. Apaches fly with such tremendous speed that its hardto take steady aim. Hard for some anyway. I developed pinpoint accuracy, as if I was throwingdarts in a pub. My targets were moving fast too. The spe
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2-56
56. Three times we were called to this same forlorn place: a string of bunkers overlooking a busyhighway. We had intel that Taliban fighters were routinely gathering there. They came in threecars, jalopies, carrying RPGs and machine guns, took up pos
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2-57
57. Every kill was on video. The Apache saw all. The camera in its nose recorded all. So, after every mission, there wouldbe a careful review of that video. Returning to Bastion, wed walk into the gun tape room, slide the video into a machine, whichw
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2-58
58. I stuffed my Bergen full of dusty clothes, plus two souvenirs: a rug bought in a bazaar, a 30-mmshell casing from the Apache. The first week of 2013. Before I could get onto the plane with my fellow soldiers I went into a tent and sat in the onee
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2-59
59. I texted Cress, told her I was home. She texted back, said she was relieved, which made me relieved. I hadnt been sure what to expect. I wanted to see her. And yet we didnt make a plan. Not in that first exchange. There was somedistance there, so
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2-60
60. I got up each day, went to the base, did my work, enjoyed none of it. It felt pointless. And boring. I was bored to tears. More, for the first time in years, I was without a purpose. A goal. Whats next? I asked myself every night. I begged my com
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2-61
61. I expected magic. I thought this challenging, ennobling task of creating an International WarriorGames would propel me into the next phase of my postwar life. It didnt work out like that. Instead, day by day, I felt more sluggish. More hopeless.
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