A penny-pinching farmer didn't want his hired hand to stop working. One morning, he told the farmhand, It's such a nuisance to come in from the field,, wash up for lunch and take time to eat. Why don't we save time and eat lunch now?The hired man agr...
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom. What kind of bird? my sister asked. I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest, replied the child. Then, can yo...
A bar owner locked up his place at 2 a. m. and went home to sleep. He had been in bed only a few minutes when the phone rang. What time do you open up in the morning ? he heard an obviously inebriated man inquire. The owner was so furious, he slammed...
To prevent our dog, Lacy, from pestering visitors to our house, my mother often massaged her as she lounged beneath the kitchen table, her favorite resting spot. One day a contractor came over to talk about a home-improvement project. As he and my mo...
As a band instructor at an elementary school, I require my students to turn in practice sheets signed by their parents so I can be sure they are putting in enough time. I had to laugh, however, when one parent wrote on her child's sheet, Practiced 17...
A dog owner claimed that his pet, when given money, would go to the news stall to buy a paper. His friend insisted on a demonstration and handed the dog some money - The dog trotted off, but an hour later he had still not returned with the paper. How...
A friend of mine had been wanting new kitchen cabinets for a long time, but her husband insisted they were an extravagance. She went to visit her mother for two weeks, and when she returned, she was overjoyed to find that beautiful new cabinets had b...
Gravely ill, a man went to the doctor with his wife. After the examination the physician motioned for the wife to meet him in the hallway. Your husband is very sick, the doctor said, but there are three things you can do to ensure his survival. First...
A woman answered her front door and found two boys holding a list. Lady, one of them explained, we are on a treasure hunt, and we need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar. Wow, the woman replied,...
When a man in Macon, Ga. , came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal and throttled it with his two hands. A reporter saw the incident, congratulated the man and told him the headline the following day would read, Local...
Four friends were arguing over whose dog was the smartest. The first man, an engineer, called to his dog, T Square, show your stuff. The dog trotted over to a desk, pulled out a paper and pencil, and drew a perfect triangle. The next guy, an accounta...
A drill sergeant ordered two young female recruits to paint a room in the barracks, stressing that they not get any paint on their uniforms. Doubtful they could avoid ruining their clothes, the women locked the door, stripped naked and painted in nud...
A famous scientist was on his way to yet another lecture when his chauffeur offered an idea. Hey, boss, I've heard your speech many times, I bet I could deliver it and give you the night off. sounds great, the scientist said. When they got to the aud...
We're on That Mountain Over There My son and I became lost while hiking high in the southern Rockies. I immediately went to work with my map and compass to determine where we had gone off course. My son, an electronics engineer, produced from his pac...
An Adult Decision The year before my son turned 18, he constantly pleaded to be allowed to a tattoo, but I refused to sign permission for one. He argued that soon he would be a man and he should be able to make adult decisions. Sure enough, a few day...
